Wednesday, December 28, 2005

The Man's picks for tonight

The Man has 2 strong picks for tonight's bowl games.

Michigan is giving 10 points to a Nebraska team whose wins came against teams with a combined 33-35 record (go ahead, look it up - The Man knows how to work the calculator!), and when Nebraska can't stop the run they lose. Look for the Michigan backfield to get a lot of carries and cover the spread. But just to be safe, The Man is buying 3 points to bring it down to Michigan -7.

And, in Dan Hawkins last game as the Boise State coach, his blue turfed Broncs are getting 3 points at home against the 16th ranked Boston College Eagles. A little about Coach Hawkins - he lost his first home game at Boise State in 2001 and hasn't lost one since. That's impressive. Boise was exposed earlier in the season by big offensive lines... in essence, they can't stop a team that has one -- and BC has the largest that Boise will face. Boise State's Jared Zabransky has been average (17 TDs, 14 INTs) this season, so home game or not expect BC to get a few picks. Look for the Boise home streak to end, especially since The Man is buying 2 points and taking BC -1.

Monday, December 26, 2005

The Man doesn't need to gloat

But what the hell. An impressive 4-1 week 1 of bowl games (that would have been 5-0 had Toledo not yanked their QB) gives The Man every right. That's right - just like Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals, The Man needs to do a dance. Not one of those unmanly Justin Timberlake or Usher dances, a man's dance.... like the Superbowl Shuffle.

If you missed The Man's stellar week of picks, stay tuned - there are more to come tomorrow!

Friday, December 23, 2005

Holiday Q&A with The Man

The Man has been getting a lot of questions recently from guys wanting to know more about The Man, proper holiday etiquette, rules for work parties and more. So here goes Round 1 of The Man's Mail bag.

Dear The Man,

My girlfriend has been hinting that she wants jewelry this Christmas, but I only make a meager salary and in order to buy the jewelery will have to stop buying beer for awhile. What would The Man do?"

Beer or Boobs

Hey BoB,
The Man sympathizes with you. I mean, what's a Man gotta do to deserve a cold one from time to time? Here's the solution - you sound like a Man's man. My guess is that you have a lot of empties lying around the apartment -- so instead of crushing them on your forehead or building that holiday beer pyramid, try returning your cans & bottles. I'm sure there'll be enough dough left over to spring for that heart shaped pendant The Man's been seing on TV.

Hey Man,
My parents think I should dress up for our family holiday gathering, when all I want to wear is a pair of jeans and my Urlacher Chicago Bears jersey. Who's right?

Chicago Joe

Hi Joe,
First off, show some resepct -- it's The Man! It's difficult to give solid answer on your question -- is the jersey the home blue, away white or orange third jersey? Either way, it's probably a good idea to not bite the hand that feeds you. How about this -- let's compromise and score some points in the process. You can wear the jeans as long as you wear that ugly sweater Mom gave you last year for Christmas. You know, the one with the tags still on it in the back of your closet. Just to show your pride, layer that sweater with a Bears t-shirt underneath.

Dear Man,
There's this hot co-worker of mine that I think, if given a few drinks, I could nail at the company Christmas party tonight. I've read a lot of articles about sleeping with co-workers, and most say it's a bad idea. But what does The Man think?

Horny in Houston

Hey Horny (The Man doubts that's your real name, by the way),
Don't sweat it -- there's no such thing as guilt-free office romance, so just have a few drinks and see what happens. If you're any kind of Man you'll get some from her or the girl in the cube next to you. Just don't get in her pants infront of the rest of the office -- that way it's your word against hers!

That's all for now, have a great Holiday!

Oh, and had Toledo not yanked their starting QB with 4 minutes to go he'd be 3-0 in his bowl predictions!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A Special Time of the Year for The Man

Every year millions of Americans celebrate a national past time that transcends generations, religions and race. What's that you say? Christmas? Hell no! The Man is talking about Bowl Season!

Sure, the Man gets bamboozled into buying gifts for the family. But The Man also knows he needs to satisfy his needs. During the holidays, don't forget to take a few minutes and ask the question -- what about me? What does the Man get for his hard work every year? Football for three weeks.

Last night's warm up game between Southern Miss and Arkansas State (they have a football team?) doesn't count. Well, it might count, but it's not in The Man's Bowl Pool. Here's the rundown of this weekend's upcoming bowl schedule (The Man's picks are bold. Enjoy!

December 21
UTEP vs. Toledo (-3)
The over/under for this game opened at 61 and is down to 60.5. Both offenses average over 438 yards per game, and their average combined points for and against are only around 56 points total; a few games against defensive oriented teams have brought those numbers down. Neither of these teams plays great defense, allowing well over 300 yards per game. Given the propensity to score and be scored on, The Man is taking the OVER.

December 22
BYU vs. Cal (-7.5)
Game has moved 1 full point from -6.5, apparently people like Cal's Pac 10 play versus the Mountain West BYU schedule. While BYU has blown out a few teams (and scored a ton of points), I don't think they have the athletes to hang with Cal, and their inability to stop the run puts them at a huge disadvantage. If they load up in the box, they could keep it close. The Man is buying 2.5 points and taking Cal at -5.

December 22
Navy vs. Colorado State (+3)
This is a no-brainer. Colorado state is barely above a .500 team. Navy runs the ball, Colorado State can't stop the run. Give the FG and take Navy.

December 23
Houston vs. Kansas (-3)
Houston's offense use to impress The Man. Then I checked their schedule. With wins against Rice and Sam Houston State and a loss against SMU, The Man can't side with Houston. And given that Kansas plays (and won against) better competition, I'm siding with the Jayhawks minus three.

December 26
Memphis vs. Akron (+5.5)
Akron surprised in the MAC championship game at Ford Field in Detroit not too long ago. But look for NFL-bound DeAngelo Williams to run wild on the Zips. The Man is buying 3 points to bring it down to under a field goal and taking Memphis -2.5.

More bowl game pics next week from The Man!

Monday, October 03, 2005

The Man Blogs For Charity

OK, normally The Man is self serving, drunk and/or hungover, and arrogant. But today's he writing for a different reason.

A fellow Man is asking for help for a good cause. Mr. Clean is giving a buck to the Hands On Network every time someone submits an idea about how they use Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. The Hands On Networks is a growing charity that helps volunteers keep communities clean. You'd better believe they're gonna need a load of Magic Erasers to clean up New Orleans, so get over to their site and post your use right now:

The Man's Guide to Poker

Over the last few years, The Man has been watching one of his favorite games, poker, explode onto the national scene. For some reason, it's even being covered on ESPN as if it's a sport. Agree or disagree, The Man is offering his Guide to Poker:

1. The poker face

Three words: No big deal. Much like a porno, bad acting will giveaway your hand and everyone will know you're faking it. Think about other scenarios in life where you've had to act like it's "no big deal"... walking down the street with your Woman and trying to catch a peek at a nice rack heading your way... early morning work outings where you're hungover... late night partying and you're wasted... they all have one thing in common that give you away every time -- your eyes. The Man recommends wearing dark shades to conceal your eyes from become the size of frying pans when that lucky hand comes up.

2. Betting

The Man loves to risk it all and go all in, but even he knows that it's stupid when you have the wrong hand. The Man always reads the table to see how others play -- if no one's bluffing, then chances are they're afraid or just don't have the cards... which means it's up to The Man to take charge. You can command the table and putting others in their place by betting aggressive when you have a good hand... Notice The Man didn't say GREAT, because any sucker can recognize when another player has a great hand.

Also, don't give yourself away. Much like the cheetah, you have to lay low before you attack. Making a huge opening bet is a sure sign that you've got a great hand.

3. Attire

The Man usually doesn't change out of his mustard-stained wife beater and sweats too often, however when playing poker it's important to wear clothes that look like you mean business. First hint - no logos. Wearing a brand name that isn't a sponsor will give away that you care about brands, which is a sign of weakness. Second hint - choose the right color. The Man likes the all-black look - it's intimidating, plus it hides your beer gut awfully well. Third hint - make sure you're wearing comfortable clothes. It's hard to keep a straight face when you have to keep picking your undies out of your crack every 2 minutes.

4. Learn the damn game

The Man has seen it countless times: Guy watches World Series of Poker, goes to the local casino (shows how times have changed, they're as common as 7-Eleven), enters a poker tournament and gets cleaned out. Read a book and practice before you start pissing your money away. The Man likes to practice on unsuspecting neighbors, friends and family. Once you've taken all of their money, use it to enter the casino poker tournament -- that way if you lose it's not your money!

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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I'm off to Lake Charles, LA

From Yahoo:

The Man's back (again)

No, he wasn't in New Orleans or Texas, just a state of laziness. With football season starting, who can blame him??

Speaking of football, three quick observations:

1. Louisville and Michigan are overrated. Louisville didn't just lose, they got their asses handed to them by USF. And Michigan's losses against Notre Dame at home and Wisconsin on the road coupled with two wins against barely D-I Eastern Michigan and Northern Illinois = weak.

Look for an unprecendented third September loss at rival Michigan State this weekend (OK, technically it'll be October 1st but who's counting, MR CALENDAR...). And Louisville -- welcome to a better conference, you're not winning it.

2. After last weekend's Pittsburgh/New England game, the Pats are stil the Pats.

3. Since when have kickers been so important? Philly's David Akers and Detroit's Jason Hansen are injured and neither team has signed a backup. Don't get The Man wrong, they're both good kickers, but if your team has to go for it on the 35 every time you're doomed. And in the Lions case they're really doomed.

Monday, August 15, 2005

College Football Preview: Pac 10

USC has been the king of college football and dare The Man say established a dynasty. True, it's a weak conference overall, but it apparently hasn't made a different as evidenced by the domination top teams in the National Title game for the past 3 years.

Pete Carroll might have been a mediocre at best NFL coach, but his recruiting and coaching skills are what separate this program from every other in the country. Given their depth, including the return of Matt Leinart at QB and Reggie Bush at RB, their coaching staff losses might be the only thing stopping them from a four-peat.

The Man's Pac-10 Picks:

1. USC - too much talent, not enough competition in-conference

2. Cal - A near score away from upsetting USC last year, look for another 2nd place finish in '05.

3. Arizona State - top running back in jail, early game @ LSU. Play both Oregon and USC at home this year.

4. Oregon - Disappointing year in '04, Coach Bellotti revamped his staff and gets Cal and USC at home.

5. UCLA - Improved team last year, look for that improvement to continue into a bowl appearance this year. Play three of four ranked teams at home.

6. (tie) Oregon State - Beat the teams they were supposed to in '04, lost to good opponents. Look for that trend to continue. Creampuff opener against Portland State, then No. 19 Boise State at home. Plus they finish the season against rival Oregon on the road.

6. (tie) Arizona - Look for Mike Stoopes to continue to turn this program around. Beating ASU at the end of '04 was amazing and their recruiting class was in the top 15. Unfortunately, most freshman aren't impact players so look for a sub-.500 overall finish.

8. Stanford - New coach, new system, old ways - a losing season.

9. Washington State - The end of a great 3 year run was last year. Time to rebuild.

10. Washington - It's going to take more than a new coach and one season to turn this program around.

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

College Football Preview: Big Ten

If you know anything about college football, it's that the Big Ten appears to be stacked this year and their logo sucks (11 schools, Big Ten, you do the math). Living in Big Ten country, The Man doesn't want to seem homerish by saying a Big Ten school will win the National Title (which they won't). With that much competition, it's going to be hard for any of the top tier Big Ten schools to finish undefeated. Scheduling will play a huge factor that will help determine the rankings.

1. Michigan - Early test against Notre Dame at home, games at Iowa and Ohio State will determine who's #1 in this conference. RB Hart is a stud, defense promises to be more aggressive especially against mobile QBs (Michigan State, Texas, Ohio State QBs ate them up on the ground). Always find a way to at least tie for a Big Ten title.

2. (tie) Iowa - Kirk Ference has done a great job with this programm, legit top 10 team with returning QB (Drew Tate). Question mark comes on offensive line (most sacks allowed in conference) and mental mistakes (penalties, in particular).

2. (tie) Ohio State - stellar defense with a mobile QB could lead to a good season for OSU, early test with Texas and of course final game against Michigan will make or break their season.

4. (tie) Purdue - they get Iowa at home but have to travel to Minnesota. Tiller always has his boys ready to play, however the QB position isn't as solid as last year. Easy schedule might see them move up to a 2nd or 3rd place finish in the conference.

4. (tie) Minnesota - prove you can play with the big boys and you could move up the ladder -- STOP SCHEDULING PATSIES!

6. Michigan State - Mobile QB Drew Nietzel has the ability to win games; he almost upset Michigan last year by himself. Defense a question mark, however The Man can't recall a John L. Smith team that had a good defense. Look for a track meet and bet the over on most MSU games.

7. Penn State - Creampuff non-conference schedule that will have people buzzing about JoePa's Lions. Unfortunately a rude awakening when they enter conference play and have to compete against D-I talent.

8. Wisconsin - last year's bunch overachieved, this year looks like a rebuilding year for Barry in Madtown. Potential for early losses to Bowling Green and UNC.

9. Northwestern - Brutal schedule (five top 18 teams), spread offense could provide for an upset.

10. Illinois - Hasn't been competitive since the 1990s, no turnaround in sight.

11. Indiana - Yet another basketball school waiting for the season to start.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2005

College Football Preview: ACC

The Man kicks off his 1st College Football Preview on The Man Blog by shining the spotlight on the now 2 division ACC. True, the ACC is known as a basketball conference, however the addition of Miami automatically raises the bar for the rest of the ACC schools and the conference as a whole. An overall comment on the ACC and the national title race - no ACC team will win the ACC title this year. Sorry, but there's no way

The Man's Atlantic Division final standing predictions

1. Boston College - The Man's sleeper pick to upset FSU for the inaugural Atlantic Division title
2. Florida State - Who's the FSU QB again? A great defense, sure, but no offensive leader.
3. Maryland - A respectible year expected to make up for last year's disappointment.
4. Clemson - Tommy Bowden pulled off a miracle to win against Dad, don't look for more than a .500 conference record this year.
5. NC State - Amato's corny sunglasses, lack of talent, just not happening for NC State.
6. Wake Forest - The bottom of the Atlantic barrel, the Deacons don't have the experience or talent to compete.

ACC Coastal Division predictions
1. Miami - Reloaded, restocked and ready for a run at a national title. Didn't have a lot of draft picks to replace relative to prior years. Question mark at QB could mean a slip into second place in this division.
2. Virginia Tech - Marcus Vick is back, which is good, but he also spent a year off the field - not good. Much like his brother, his ability to put the team on his back and carry them is as far as they will go.
3. Georgia Tech - Good, young QB in Ball who is a difference maker. Not enough firepower to compete with the big 2.
4. Virginia - too many starters missing to compete against the big boys.
5. North Carolina - Being a basketball school hurts this program. Too inconsistent to win in this conference.
6. Duke - Devils fans don't measure the season in wins and losses, only "Saturdays remaining until basketball season".

ACC Championship Game: Miami over BC

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

The Man's College Football Preview coming soon!

The Man's NCAA College Football insider will be posted this week, starting Wednesday - stay tuned! We're talking about The Man's look at College Football, conference by conference with conference champion predictions and NCAA champs. Why pay top dollar to get someone else's take when you can get The Man's for free?

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Monday, August 01, 2005

The Man's Guide to Back Injuries

As you may've noticed, the Man has been absent from blogging for a month... A bulged disc will do that to you. The Man, like most men, has chronic back problems and had to rest from the computer to let that bad boy heal up. Some tips from The Man to dealing with and recovering from back injuries, Man style:

1. Drugs

The Man doesn't advocate taking prescription drugs unless they're completely necessary. If you read the labels closely, they don't actually heal the problem and cause unnecessary damage to your liver and kidneys. If you're going to do that, you might as well enjoy a buzz while you're at it. So The Man prescribes his medication in the form of 12 ounce curls. Take 2 every half hour until the pain is gone. Sure, you're destroying your liver, but if you follow The Man's guide to hangovers a little B complex will help minimize the amount of liver damage... Plus it's a lot more fun!

2. Exercise

Some white coats will recommend that you relax and "take it easy" while you're in pain, the slowly work your back into shape. The Man says that's a load of crap and you should avoid exercising all together -- how did you hurt your back in the first place??? Exercise!!!

3. Insurance

The Man thinks insurance is probably the biggest scam on the face of the earth. So if you're going to pay into it, you might as well milk it for all you can. Get a note from your doctor and play hookee from work for a few extra days. Go fishing. Catch a ball game. Try to set a world record for most beer consumed in 12 hours. Just don't get caught!

4. Sex

It's unrealistic to think that a man isn't going to want sex, even if his back hurts. Hell, The Man's wanted it after getting kicked in the groin, so a little back pain surely won't deter him. So here's The Man's advice: Insist on being on bottom, and tilt your hips slightly to show some signs of movement (you're also working your abs and lower back, so it's a win-win-win!). Note: A real man lets her do all the work anyway!

5. Getting back to work

When The Man gets back to work, he tries to get as much out of his time off from the cube as possible. Don't be afraid to make others do what you don't want to do -- remember, you're recovering!

And when telling co-workers how you injured your back, take a cue from The Man and be manly about it! Feel free to use one of these scenarios:

"I was power lifting 450 pounds and I heard this 'SNAP!'. The entire gym turned to look at me and I felt my legs go numb. I finished my set before dropping the weight and calling an ambulance."

"I went on one of those porn star cruises, and while having a three way with Kobe Tai and Jenna Jameson in the hot tub of the poop deck, I heard someone screaming for help. Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy fell overboard and was drowning, so I jumped in to save him. I grabbed the Hedgehog and swam him to safety, only after fighting my way out of a shark's jaws."

"My neighbor was changing the oil on his car and I heard a crash, so I put down my High Life and ran outside, only to see him covered by his '82 Olds Ninety Eight. I grabbed the bumper, lifted the car up and slid him out with my foot. That's when I pulled a muscle in my back."

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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Man's Vacation Rules

You might be wondering where The Man has been, what without any new posts in the last 5 days. As you know, men aren't the best communicators. And The Man is no exception.

The Man has been compiling his vacation rules and taking a brief vacation from blogging to come up with his very own guide to vacationing. You don't have to be rich to take a vacation, it could just be an afternoon or three in the backyard suckin' down a few cold ones. Here's The Man's guide to enjoying your Summer vacations:

Rule #1: The Man's in charge

The Man works hard just like you do, which is why when The Man's on vacation he wants things his way. Wake up at noon? Sure. Crack a cold one and play 9 holes? Why not! It's The Man's vacation, remember?

Rule #2: Plenty of beer

On the Fifth Day, God created beer and said "Thou shalt drinketh until ye puketh". Who's The Man to argue? Make sure wherever you go that there's a liquor store, cooler with ice, keg or hospital nearby. Oh, and avoid red beers, as they have a tendency to make your skin burn faster*.

*There is no scientific evidence that red beer makes your skin red.

Rule #3: Cigars

Always have a box of good cigars around. The Man won't stand for El Productos or any of the other dead rats rolled in leaves they sell at the convenience store. Get yourself a manly maduro wrapped cigar and store it in your humidor until it's time to kick back and relax. What better way to end a meal, play a round of golf, sit on the beach or cruise around town than with a stoagie?

Rule #4: The more skin, the better

The Man is known for his manly physique - hairy chest (and back), gut, big guns, gold chain and pale feet... And like they said, if you've got it, flaunt it. The Man takes his shirt off every chance he gets. And since The Man sweats when it's above 50 degrees, he's topless for more than 1/2 the year. Hey -- It's hard work eating 2 slabs of ribs while drinking a 40oz mug of brew! And the ladies respect it.

Rule #5: Ladies

The Man knows that any great vacation always has a "happy ending". So he's always the life of the party, 'cause he knows the ladies love a Man that knows how to have fun. The Man's not opposed to taking vacations with the ladies, either, but they have to respect Rule #1.

Well, there you have it - for $10 (beer, cigar) you can have your own Man vacation any time, any where you want. Unless of course you live in Antarctica. And if that's the case, the rules still apply -- just replace Ladies with "penguins".

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Thursday, June 23, 2005

NBA Game 7: The Man's Pick

The Man has seen a lot of basketball in his day. He's played it, he's bet it, he's watched it, he's picked it. Tonight's Game 7 has the potential to be one of the greatest games the NBA and its fans have seen in a long, long time.

The Big Fundamental versus Big Ben is the key to the game. Duncan's free throw shooting has been horrid in the fourth quarter, and The Man can only chalk it up to fatigue. As The Man predicted in Game 6, Duncan's poor free throw shooting kept the game close. Look for that poor shooting to continue.

The Champs have to be having flashbacks from last year -- a last second shot in Game 5 blew their unheard of 4 game sweep/comeback after being down 2 games. The Man is positive that the Pistons mentality is that this thing should be over, so look for them to come out the same way they did in Game 6 -- with a chip on their shoulder.

The line opened at 4.5 points and was up to 5, so going with that The Man is buying 2 points and taking the Pistons and the points. If they don't pull out the victory, The Man's prediction that this game will come down to the wire.

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Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Man's Food Pyramid

The Man has been getting questions on a healthy diet. In particular, people want to know what The Man eats to stay so fit. Here's yesterday's menu:

Breakfast: The Man starts most days with a large glass of water (see: Hangovers post), sometimes several. Like most men, I drink my coffee black, and today The Man had 2 mugs o' joe. Finally, a hearty bowl of oatmeal to cleanse the colon.

Lunch: The Man has a weakness for Chinese food. Today's order -- General Tsao's chicken w/ rice, which helps focus the mind (or cause a MSG headache, whichever comes first).

Dinner: After a long day it's rewarding to hit the grill and show off The Man's natural ability taming the flames. Tonight The Man had 3 brats to fulfill The Man's daily meat intake.

Evening: Of course no day is complete without your RDA of alcohol. Watching the NBA Finals, The Man drank 4 Red Stripe and 2 Miller Lite beers... and saw his pick (Pistons and the points) hold true.

To summarize, it's 12 parts carbohydrates, 0 vegetables, 0 fruits, 3 parts meat/poultry.

Tags: Beer, General Tsao, NBA, Sports, MSG, Diet

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

The Game! The Game!

That was Rasheed Wallace's quote from last year's playoffs that is aired constantly on WDFN in Detroit. Well, it's time for 'Sheed to step up and get his head in The Game tonight if the Pistons are going to force a game 7.

The line currently has Detroit getting 5.5 points. Detroit is 1-4 against the spread on the road in their last 5, including 2 blowout losses in San Antonio. Their one road win was their clutch Game 7 road victory against Miami in the Eastern Conference finals... so they've proven they can pull out a victory when it counts.

The Spurs only lost 5 games at the Alamodome this year, so it's almost unthinkable that they're lose both games at home (provided the Pistons win tonight). I expect San Antonio to go to the line considerably more than the 'Stones, and if it's Tim Duncan shooting then we should see a close game.

That being said, I don't think the Pistons are ready to call it quits and the Spurs had to play a near perfect game to beat them in overtime (where the Pistons derailed themselves with bad shots and turnovers) with absolutely no bench support for Detroit. Unless San Antonio utterly dominates the defending champs, I expect this game to be tight. The under is 8-1-1 in Detroit's last 10 on the road, and 12-4 in San Antonio's last 16 at home. So The Man likes the under at 173.5, however the overtime in Game 4 blew it, and I wouldn't be surprised to see this one go into an extra session.

All that being said, I still don't buy the Spurs toughness and can't pick against the Champs to get blown out again on the road. The Man is buying 2.5 points and taking Detroit +8.

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Monday, June 20, 2005

The Man's Guide to Parking Tickets

We've all been there. You park at a parking meter with the intention of coming back before the time runs out. Or better yet, the city has some crazy alternate side of the street parking rule where you can park for 2 hours on the "wrong" side of the street before getting hit with a ticket by The Man (not this Man, but "The" Man).

A disclaimer from The Man: This does NOT apply to handicap parking. People that park in handicap spots that aren't handicap should be shot. There, now you have an excuse to park in that spot.

A solution to the aforementioned ridiculous waste of effort and money is for cities to provide more free parking or more parking lots. You see, if they did they wouldn't have to hire meter maids to drive around all day trying to nail honest folks like The Man and this whole system wouldn't even exist.

While The Man can't condone not paying your parking tickets, here's a fact about them:

Most cities allow 6 or more unpaid parking tickets before suspending your license.

That means you can get 5, change your plate on your car, repeat as necessary. City databases aren't smart enough to link you by name, only by plate number. Some cities purge tickets as well, so after 10 years your unpaid tickets are removed from the system.

You do the math:

Cost of obtaining a new plate: $100.

Average cost of 5 parking tickets: $200.


Sunday, June 19, 2005

Father's Day, aka Man Day

As we men know, every day is Man's day. Today is an extra-special Man's day, a day for all of us to spend the day with our Dads, the ultimate Man. Our Dads taught us how to be real men; from the essence of drinking beer, to perfecting our barbequeing talent, to chasing tail, to teaching us when it's appropriate to scream at your favorite sports team or flip off the referee.

The Man wants to say Happy Father's Day to all of the dads out there, including The Old Man. Here's to you, Dads.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Pistons vs. Spurs, Game 4: The Man's Pick

So far every game of this series has been a blowout. The teams are clearly evenly matched and it has come down to the aggressor wins. Easily. That being said, The Man expects a close game tonight. Looking at the trends, Detroit is 8-2 against the spread in their last 10 home games. Just to be safe, The Man will be buying 2.5 points on the current -3.5 spread with the Pistons eeking out a victory close victory.

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The Man's Guide to Hangovers

The Man has been known to engage in a few libations from time to time and rarely encounters the pain and discomfort of a hangover. Here are my tips and myth busters about overcoming hangovers.


Provided you're not a model, you'll probably have something in your gut before you start drinking. The Man recommends pizza or something that has bread in it. If you're the type of dummy that likes to mix beer and liquor, then eat something that won't burn coming back up.

The real secret can be summed up in one word: B-Complex. Well, make that two with a hyphen. And then make sure you're taking one that has Vitamin C in it as well. The Man is no scientist, but he's read enough (and is living proof) to know that taking a load of B vitamins prior to getting his drink on works. When you drink, your body loses thiamine and a good B vitamin will replace it.


Drink tons of water prior to going to bed. Chances are that at some point you've "broken the seal" and pissed about 20 times in 20 minutes and are dehydrated.

Next morning:

If you are such a lush that you can't make room in your throat for the vitamins because there's too much beer in there, try starting the morning off with a huge glass of water and some aspirin. You're probably dehydrated. Consider getting some more sleep as well. The Man knows first hand that drunk sleep isn't the same as regular sleep.

When it comes to the celebratory meal, nothing beats hash browns, eggs and some kind of meat -- the greasier and saltier, the better. The Man prefers the local greasy spoon special, $2.99 for two eggs, hash browns, toast and sausage.

If that's not enough, pick up some Gatorade and slam it like you just ran a marathon. Chances are you're as depleted as a distance runner, so you'll want to replenish the lost nutrients and water that you literally pissed away the night before.

Now of course your woman might give you a line or two about quitting drink all together to avoid a hangover, but The Man says brilliance works in its own way. I'm sure people told Jimi Hendrix to quit doing speedballs and heroin too.

Just remember the great W. C. Fields quote: "It's easy to give up drinking; I've done it a thousand times."

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Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Oh, Cousin!

After watching games 1 and 2 of the NBA finals, there's no way The Man or anyone else could have predicted the stellar defensive performance put on by Big Ben and the Pistons last night. The line opened at 3.5 and went to 4.5 last I checked, and could have gone up to 16 without making a difference.

The Man's observations of last night's game:

Detroit finally played to their strengths using their length (blocked shots, deflections, etc), committing hard fouls (about time, The Man is tired of watching hand checks sidelining good players), and double teams to force the ball to a second and third option, which led to a ton of turnovers for San Antonio.

San Antonio clearly was on fire at home and their outside shooting last night paled in comparison. When Manu went out in the first few minutes of the game, The Man knew his prediction was in trouble. Who could've known that a knee to knee collision with Tayshaun Prince would happen? That injury put Ginobli (who looks like Balki from "Perfect Strangers") into a passive state of mind from which he never recovered.

Look for the Spurs to come out swinging in Game 4.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

The worst beer in the world

You might be like The Man, walking down the beer aisle at your local grocery store and thinking about maximizing your beer intake while keeping your budget in check. We've all had those days, where the 30 pack of Stroh's for $11.99 outweighs the $12.99 12 pack of Sam Adams. I had an experience recently that's making me re-think this logic.

It was to The Man's surprise when I was scrounging for a few brews one night with less than $7 in my pocket and spotted this deal: Josef Hoffbauer Light at Kroger, $4.99 for 12 beers. The old saying in life is that there's no such thing as a free lunch. And The Man is here to tell you that there's no such thing as good beer for $4.99 for 12 pack.

The beer itself tastes like one part Caguama Light (Corona rip off brand), six parts Detroit River water. The can might as well just be all-white and say "BEER" across it, because it's probably best that this crap is used as a prop in movies and not ingested.

The Man's advice? Take your $5 and pick up a couple of .40 ouncers instead, you'll thank me later.

So The Man would like to issue the following statement on Josef Hoffbauer beer:

Don't buy it. Worse yet, don't drink it -- even if it's free.

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Pistons and Spurs - The Man's pick

Unlike my man, John Patrick, I'm going to be pretty straightforward with this pick. Tonight's match up between the Pistons and Spurs should be a classic. The Pistons have been good on their home floor, going 2-1 against both the Heat and Pacers at home in rounds 2 and 3. Unlike those series, they weren't able to get one victory in their first two road games in San Antonio.

A stat worth noting from Pistons Coach Larry Brown's press conference: When the Pistons have a certain official at the game, they're 1-7 in the playoffs. When he's not part of the refereeing squad, they're 11-1. Pretty amazing.

At any rate, the line's currently at -4 in favor of the 'stones... If they are able to pull out a game, this is going to be the one. The Spurs played at Detroit earlier this year and lost, however that was without Duncan (left the game early with a sprained ankle), and Ginobli played sparingly. My gut tells me that even coming home isn't going to help, as evidenced by the Spurs ability to play well on the road and the blow outs in Games 1 and 2. The Man is taking the Spurs and buying 2 points.

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Welcome to The Man Blog

A man has certain experiences, his own point of view and a straight forward way to solving problems. This blog is evidence of it. I'm going to be talking about the stuff that we care about -- beer, gambling, women, beer, grass cutting, sports, ball-scratchin', beer, ESPN and more.

My goal is to help fill the void in all of our lives that The Man Show used to occupy. Let me know how I'm doing.

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