Thursday, June 29, 2006

New Man Law

The Man was at a barbeque the other day when it started to rain. The cooler holding all of the beer was out in the open, being rained on. Someone suggested "We should put the cooler in a wheelbarrel, that way it's easier to move it in case it rains". Sorry, The Man's not down with that. You have testosterone and a sack, pick up the god damn cooler and move it with your arms and legs. Wheelbarrels are for moving large objects like rocks, or loose stuff like dirt. Coolers? Aww, hell naw.

Man law.


Tuesday, June 27, 2006

The Man's Man Laws

The Man has noticed a certain series of commercials where representatives from sports & entertainment are gathered around a square table discussing "Man Laws". While The Man does find them funny, there are a few they've yet to pass into law. Hence, here are a few of The Man's Man Laws:

1. A man can wear a sports team's jersey ONLY if it has his name or NO name on it. Cheering for another guy is for high school cheerleaders.

2. Men should not use Post-It notes, especially the neon-colored ones. You have two hands for a reason - one to write, the other to write on.

3. Men with MySpace accounts are not allowed to use BlinkYou comments.

4. Men can not use topless photos of themselves as a MySpace profile picture unless they're accompanied by topless women.

5. Men are not allowed to own cats.

More of The Man's Man Laws to come...


Friday, June 02, 2006

A Night of Disappointment

After watching the Pistons shoot a pathetic 33% tonight (and not cover), I flipped over to NBC's Last Comic Standing and saw the selection process that was really disappointing, especially in Chicago. They had 3 "passes" to move onto the next round, and long time comic Larry Reeb didn't make the cut.

Larry is a funny guy. The Man remembers as The Kid catching Rodney Dangerfield's HBO specials that featured talents like Sam Kinison, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr. One comic lost in that shuffle was Larry Reeb. His standup was hilarious, and it wasn't just the immature 13 year old in The Man thinking it.

The Man caught a re-run of the 1980's Rodney special on HBO and saw Larry's act again; it was hilarious. He used to end his jokes with his signature "Tip from your Uncle Lar". Here's a gem:

"My wife asked me to do the laundry. You guys ever hear of this? Me neither. So I took her favorite wool sweater, popped it in on 'hot'. By the time it came out it looked like a ski mask. But at least I don't have to do the laundry anymore. Tip from your Uncle Lar."

He had a great bit, and given that every other comic that was featured on Rodney's special was given a primetime show in the 90's I figured Larry was writing, producing, or something behind the scenes. Nope. Larry's still a struggling comic, trying to catch his big break.

Needless to say The Man was shocked when he saw he was a contestant on the Chicago portion of the show. Larry Reeb, whose last name is Beer backwards (genius), was dismissed after telling a great joke:

"You know alcohol is taxed heavily, and those tax dollars go to support schools. So don't look at it like you're an alcoholic... you're an education supporter!"

The crowd laughed. The Man laughed. And then the Chicago vote was in... Larry didn't make it. Instead, a moron with jokes about being stoned as a kindergartener having trouble getting his snowsuit off and requesting a nap and a snack made it to the next round. The guy wasn't funny... but again, The Man is biased because of the Reeb history. At any rate, The Man is very disappointed tonight -- neither Larry Reeb nor the Pistons advance.

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Eastern Confernece Finals - Game 5 pick

The Pistons and Heat go at it tonight in Miami with a trip to the Finals on the line for the home team, a return trip to the Motor City for game 7 if the 'Stones win.

Detroit showed a lot of heart and played with the tenacity they need to keep it close. Their shooting percentage for the series is 41%, which isn't horrid but when Miami is shooting 66% it's a problem. Slowing down Shaq and Wade at home is going to be another problem as well, and with Rasheed Wallace's bum ankle it's going to be hard to imagine the Pistons can beat the Heat at home without his outside shooting and inside shot blocking presence.

Miami is currently at a -4. If the Pistons have shown us anything, it's that they play well with their backs are up against the wall... But their inconsistent play doesn't bode well for them tonight. The Man is buying 3 points and taking the Pistons +7 - if the defending Eastern Conference champs go down, it's going to be last-second Wade heroics that do them in. Final score: Miami 91, Detroit 89.

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