Dear NFL Scheduling Department,

YOU SUCK for having so many teams on a bye week at once.

Signed,
The Man and everyone else that plays fantasy football

Tagged: NFL, fantasy football

The Man is sad tonight

No, not because the powerful Michigan defense knocked Penn State's top 2 QBs out of the game, thus preventing a 3-0 weekend, but because of the disgrace that was the Miami/Florida International football game tonight.

First of all, the 'Canes should have stomped the FIU team by 100 points - you recruit the state's top talent and should be able to trounce one of ESPN's Bottom 10 teams without playing your starters.

Second, the after point ruckus that ensued is a black eye on the Miami program. Larry Coker should be fired and the players that participated in the stomping, helmet-hitting and punching should be thrown off the team. There is a difference between a street fight for your life and a regulated, officiated football game. The Man is sad tonight because regardless of the background of anyone on the field the bottom line is that it is a GAME.

Tagged: NCAA football, Miami, florida international

The Man's College Football Picks

Well, the Man only served up one game last weekend but it was a winner - the Pats covered the 9 point spread by 1.

Here are this week's college football picks:

Ohio State -14.5 at Michigan State: Drew Stanton challenged his team to come out and fight for their coach against Michigan - and they got drubbed, 31-13. MSU basketball stud Matt Trannon and RB Javon Ringer will be out, which means the OSU defense can shut down Stanton without fear of any other big play receivers or backs stepping up to beat them. The Man is buying a point to bring it under 14, taking OSU on the road -13.5.

Hawaii at Fresno State: What the hell has happened to the Bulldogs? Their once "play anyone, anytime, anywhere" mantra should be changed to "play patsies, at home, who can't throw". The 'Dogs have been outpassed in four games this year, with the only exception coming against barely D-I Utah State last week. Look for June Jones's high octane passing attack to soar against Fresno this week. Take the Rainbow Warrirors and buy a point and half to bring it to Hawaii -3.

Michigan -6 at Penn State: "Super" Mario Manningham will be out of this game, essentially taking away Michigan's big play capability. It's a night game in Happy Valley, so look for PSU to come up with a flukey big play or turnover to be the difference that keeps Penn State close. Take the Nittany Lions and buy a point - they won't win but should cover getting a touchdown.

Tagged: college football, NCAA football, gambling

The Man does... product reviews?

That's right... The Man isn't dumb. He sees beer bloggers getting free booze and mom bloggers getting free food -- and he wants in! So The Man is going talk about one of the only things he knows... beer. But these aren't going to be your long, drawn out, takes 20 minutes to read reviews. These are The Man's product reviews.

The Man picked up a few new seasonal brews at his local grocer - Samuel Adams Octoberfest and a Pumpkin Ale, made by Buffalo Bill's Brewery in California.

Now you might be thinking, "Man, how the hell can you betray us? You normally drink lagers, pilsners and the occasional whiskey!"

True, but even The Man needs a break from beer butt. (Beer butt, adj.: a term that describes the state of your colon the morning after drinking cheap beer; also know as beer shits, beer ass, and the runs.) And The Man has figured out that spending a few extra bucks on a six pack means a few less trips to the can the next morning. Besides, both were on sale.

So here goes... first up: Samuel Adams Octoberfest

According to the label, Octoberfest started in 1810 when "a large festival was held in Munich, Germany to celebrate the wedding of the Crown Prince of Bavaria. The festival was repeated the next year and gave rise to the tradition of Oktoberfest."

But this comes from Jim Koch, a genius among beermeisters, because Sam Adams is actually brewed by Anheuser-Busch and Jim Koch markets it exclusively. Pretty genius if you ask The Man. But does The Man believe everything he reads? No. According to Wikipedia that sounds right... but Wikipedia isn't always right. So The Man went to another source: German Fun.org. And they concur, so The Man is a believer.

So how's the beer? Good. In fact, it doesn't have that caramel-y taste of a regular Sam Adams... it almost tastes like there are faint traces of spices in it - but in a good way. To be frank, it has a taste that captures the season of Fall in a bottle. Can you slam 12 of them like you could, say, a Coors Light? No. But it is a very good seasonal beer, nearly as perfect as Bell's Oberon is for Summer. The Man gives it 4.5 ball scratches out of a possibile 5.

Next up: Buffalo Bill's Brewery Pumpkin Ale

The Man saw this and thought "What the f*&k is this? Pumpkin in beer? You must be kidding." But then The Man walked by the "discount" rack and saw singles for .99 each and figured "What the hell, if it's that bad it'll just get pawned off on guests or will get pounded during one of The Man's late night drinking binges."

So The Man picked up a couple of these. And was really, really surprised. It was spicy. It tasted like pumpkins. And some small part of The Man felt like The Boy, reminiscing about door to door Halloween trick or treating, picking apples at the Cider Mill and hayrides. And The Man was happy.

Now if there's one thing The Man knows, it's a good thing when he sees it. But he also knows when there's too much of a good thing. This beer is the perfect gift to present a friend when they come over to watch the game - but don't plan on having more than a few... otherwise The Prophet within The Man forsees a miserable tomorrow full of trips to the can and a burning sensation back there.

The Man gives the Pumpkin Ale 4 ball scratches out of 5. Pick up this gem and some Octoberfest next time you head to the store - and you can thank The Man for it!

Tagged: beer, Samuel Adams, Pumpkin Beer, Octoberfest, Buffalo Bill's Brewery

The Man's NFL Lock of the Week

Miami +10 at New England. The Pats exploded last week at Cincy, scoring 38 points. Dante Culpepper has an injured shoulder and is questionable for Sunday, which means ex-Lion Joey "Blue Skies" Harrington will be forced to lead the team if the Pats D knocks Culpepper out. Did The Man mention that Miami is average a paultry 89 yards per game on the ground? Look for a weak Miami team to be annihilated by the Pats. The Man is buying a point to bring it to New England -9.

Tagged: gambling, NFL

The Man is glad Summer is officially over

With nighttime temperatures dropping into the low 50s, The Man is marking the end of Summer tonight with his last Oberon from the fridge. Sure, it was nice to sit in an air conditioned house for three months, occassionally stepping out to get a farmer's tan while cutting the grass and barbequeing, but in The Man's opinion it's about time Summer is over. Here are The Man's Top 3 reasons he's glad to see Fall ushered in. Why only 3? Because The Man is lazy! Besides -- I just gave you 4 winning picks this weekend, damnit!!

3. The Man likes his seasons the way he likes his dinner plate to look -- full of yellow, orange and brown. Notice -- NO GREEN.

2. No more sweating while walking from the car to the liquor store. Sure, it's only 15 feet, but 95 degree and humid sucks even if you have to travel an inch.

1. Football season is upon us! Time for The Man to crush all those who oppose him in his Fantasy League (where The Man's team is currently 3-0) and watch football on the tube non-stop... Thursday night games, Friday night games, Saturday, Sunday (all day), Monday... a gluttony of pigskin action = The Man's in heaven.

The Man's NCAA Football picks

Well, The Man isn't the type that likes to gloat, but if you took last week's college football picks you went 3-0-1 last week. Not bad for a beer lovin' guy that wears sweats and a mustard-stained undershirt!

Here are The Man's college football picks for the week with one NFL game in there:

California -9 at Oregon State: After a week 1 embarassment at Tennessee, the Golden Bears are back on track racking up double digits victories over Minnesota and Arizona State. Look for Cal to conitnue its winning ways, The Man is buying 2 1/2 to get it under a touchdown at Cal -6 1/2.

Boise State +4 at Utah: Sure, the Utes have been airing it out to the tune of 220 yards per game, but the running game of Boise State will take over in the end and wear down the Utah defense. Look for Boise to cover and an outright win.

Wisconsin -10.5 at Indiana: Wisconsin got pounded at Michigan last weekend, but look for the Badgers to get their former #1 NCAA rusher PJ Hill Jr going again... and there's not a thing Indiana can do about it. Buy a point to bring it under 10 to Wisconsin -9.

Here's The Man's NFL pick of the week...

Seattle at Chicago: Shaun Alexander says he'll play with a cracked bone in his foot. Don't count on it. The Bears lost to Carolina in the playoffs last year and know that in order to be the NFC King this year that they'll need to take out last year's champ. The line has moved a lot from Chicago +1 to -3 1/2, but you can still make a few bucks - take Da Bears and buy a point to get it to -2 1/2. Daaaaaaaaaaaa BEARS!

Tagged: gambling, NCAA football, NFL

The Man's college football picks

The lines for this week's NCAA games are out, and The Man is looking to stay perfect on the college season with these picks:

Louisville -9 at Kansas State. They trounced Miami's defense for 31 points... You think K State will fare any better? Lay the 9 points and collect your $$ on Saturday afternoon.

Utah State at BYU -30.5. Utah State is pathetic. BYU lost in 2 OTs to Boston College and can score. To borrom a line from The 40 Year Old Virgin, "You know how I know you suck? Because your only touchdown this season came against a D-IAA school". The Man is buying 3 to bring it down to BYU -27.5.

Central Michigan -3.5 at Eastern Michigan. The Chips hung tough with the BC Eagles in Week 1, while the Eagles struggled to lose to Northwestern. CMU should win by at least a TD, the Man is buying 1 point to get rid of the hook and get it under a field goal at CMU -2.5.

USC -17 at Arizona. Arizona has a great defense, however they can't score. USC can score and made the Nebraska defense look silly. Look for the Trojans to put up big numbers at AU, especially in the second half.

Tagged: NCAA, football, gambling

Heart attack waiting to happen

Yes, I am talking about the Kansas-Toledo game going on right now on ESPN2. But no, I'm not talking about the game itself. The Man is referring to the big men on the sidelines. Toledo's coach, Tom Amstutz and Kansas's coach, Mark Mangino have to weigh in over 6 bills combined. They'd give former WWF tag team the Natural Disasters a run for their money, that's for sure.



Toledo coach Tom Amstutz and Kansas coach Mark Magino

vs.



Natural Disasters, Earthquake and Typhoon

Tagged: college football, Kansas, Toledo, Tom Amstutz, Mark Mangino, WWF, espn2

The Man's NFL Picks

Two games that are sure to hit this weekend are the Eagles at -3 and the Cowboys at -6.5 Why? The Man explains.

The Eagles signing of Dante Stallworth was huge. Look for McNabb to burn the G-Men's secondary deep with the combination of Stallworth and Westbrook - The Man like's that guy's chances in the flat against smaller DBs. Philly looks like a team that has it all together, however expect Eli to keep it close - until he throws a big turnover. Buy a point to bring it to Eagles -2.

Clinton Portis is out for the 'Skins. Parcells lost twice to Washington last year. Washington's Brunell looks like garbage. Sure, Drew Bledsoe did too, but at least he has a home game and Julius Jones powering the ball out of the backfield. Game over. Lay the 6.5 points, with all of the Skinds offensive woes and grinding Dallas O, the Skins defense will be on the field too long to keep it close. This could get ugly.

Tagged: NFL, gambling, football

The Man welcomes in College Football

The Man has been kicking it all Summer, waiting for the return of his favorite sport -- football (Sorry, NFL Europe, but that crap ain't cuttin' it with The Man). The Man has fallen off the wagon again but has gone 4-0 since the return of the season with several teasers and individual bets paying off (thanks, West Virginia, for the trouncing of Maryland last night!).

Here are The Man's picks for this weekend:

Boise State's quick work of Oregon State on the Smurf Turf last week shows that the departure of Dan Hawkins won't slow down this high powered offense. What's even more surprising is that they're doing it on the ground, outrushing their first 2 opponents by 165 and 244 yards respectively. So how will they fare at D-IA Wyoming? After beating up on Utah State and a one point loss at Virginia you might think the Cowboys are for real. The line has moved from Wyoming +8.5 down to +7. However, both of their games have come against barely competitive D-I schools -- and by competitive I mean against D-II schools. Give me the high flying Broncos (and a point) to get it down to BSU -6.

Michigan visit Notre Dame this week in what should be a great matchup. Georgia Tech took ND down to the wire in Week 1, which should've helped Lloyd Carr's new D coordinator Rod English come up with some pretty aggressive defense schemes. Look for a low scoring affair with Michigan's passing attack being the difference here. Remember, a strong arm and receiving corp trumps a bad ND secondary. The line opened at Michigan getting 7.5 and is down to +5.5. The Man's buying 2.5 points and taking Michigan +8.

The Temple Owls visit the Minnesota Golden Gophers in what will be a blow out. Temple was -296 in rushing yards against Louisville last week and was -145 through the air. The Gophers are coming off a big road loss to Cal, so look for a strong rebound game against a weak opponent. Minnesota (-41.5) will run past Temple, however The Man is buying 2 points to bring his magic number down to MINN -39.5.

Tagged: NCAA, football, gambling

New Man Law

The Man was at a barbeque the other day when it started to rain. The cooler holding all of the beer was out in the open, being rained on. Someone suggested "We should put the cooler in a wheelbarrel, that way it's easier to move it in case it rains". Sorry, The Man's not down with that. You have testosterone and a sack, pick up the god damn cooler and move it with your arms and legs. Wheelbarrels are for moving large objects like rocks, or loose stuff like dirt. Coolers? Aww, hell naw.

Man law.

Tagged: Man law

The Man's Man Laws

The Man has noticed a certain series of commercials where representatives from sports & entertainment are gathered around a square table discussing "Man Laws". While The Man does find them funny, there are a few they've yet to pass into law. Hence, here are a few of The Man's Man Laws:

1. A man can wear a sports team's jersey ONLY if it has his name or NO name on it. Cheering for another guy is for high school cheerleaders.

2. Men should not use Post-It notes, especially the neon-colored ones. You have two hands for a reason - one to write, the other to write on.

3. Men with MySpace accounts are not allowed to use BlinkYou comments.

4. Men can not use topless photos of themselves as a MySpace profile picture unless they're accompanied by topless women.

5. Men are not allowed to own cats.

More of The Man's Man Laws to come...

Tag: Man laws

A Night of Disappointment

After watching the Pistons shoot a pathetic 33% tonight (and not cover), I flipped over to NBC's Last Comic Standing and saw the selection process that was really disappointing, especially in Chicago. They had 3 "passes" to move onto the next round, and long time comic Larry Reeb didn't make the cut.

Larry is a funny guy. The Man remembers as The Kid catching Rodney Dangerfield's HBO specials that featured talents like Sam Kinison, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr. One comic lost in that shuffle was Larry Reeb. His standup was hilarious, and it wasn't just the immature 13 year old in The Man thinking it.

The Man caught a re-run of the 1980's Rodney special on HBO and saw Larry's act again; it was hilarious. He used to end his jokes with his signature "Tip from your Uncle Lar". Here's a gem:

"My wife asked me to do the laundry. You guys ever hear of this? Me neither. So I took her favorite wool sweater, popped it in on 'hot'. By the time it came out it looked like a ski mask. But at least I don't have to do the laundry anymore. Tip from your Uncle Lar."

He had a great bit, and given that every other comic that was featured on Rodney's special was given a primetime show in the 90's I figured Larry was writing, producing, or something behind the scenes. Nope. Larry's still a struggling comic, trying to catch his big break.

Needless to say The Man was shocked when he saw he was a contestant on the Chicago portion of the show. Larry Reeb, whose last name is Beer backwards (genius), was dismissed after telling a great joke:

"You know alcohol is taxed heavily, and those tax dollars go to support schools. So don't look at it like you're an alcoholic... you're an education supporter!"

The crowd laughed. The Man laughed. And then the Chicago vote was in... Larry didn't make it. Instead, a moron with jokes about being stoned as a kindergartener having trouble getting his snowsuit off and requesting a nap and a snack made it to the next round. The guy wasn't funny... but again, The Man is biased because of the Reeb history. At any rate, The Man is very disappointed tonight -- neither Larry Reeb nor the Pistons advance.

Tagged with: Last Comic Standing, NBC, Larry Reeb

Eastern Confernece Finals - Game 5 pick

The Pistons and Heat go at it tonight in Miami with a trip to the Finals on the line for the home team, a return trip to the Motor City for game 7 if the 'Stones win.

Detroit showed a lot of heart and played with the tenacity they need to keep it close. Their shooting percentage for the series is 41%, which isn't horrid but when Miami is shooting 66% it's a problem. Slowing down Shaq and Wade at home is going to be another problem as well, and with Rasheed Wallace's bum ankle it's going to be hard to imagine the Pistons can beat the Heat at home without his outside shooting and inside shot blocking presence.

Miami is currently at a -4. If the Pistons have shown us anything, it's that they play well with their backs are up against the wall... But their inconsistent play doesn't bode well for them tonight. The Man is buying 3 points and taking the Pistons +7 - if the defending Eastern Conference champs go down, it's going to be last-second Wade heroics that do them in. Final score: Miami 91, Detroit 89.

Tagged: NBA, Miami Heat, Detroit Pistons, basketball, gambling

The Man's Guide to Coaching

The Man has been busy, even by his standards, coaching kids basketball and soccer leagues. I've learned several things over the course of the past few months and want to share that knowledge with you.

Rule #1: You can't smoke and coach at the same time.

No, The Man isn't talking about puffing a stoagie while instructing. I'm talking about having a half a pack the night before you have to run up and down the field yelling at the little squirts... although The Man did cough up a naked lady lighter he thought he'd lost.

Rule #2: Bring snacks.

The Man hasn't played organized kids sports in a long time, however when he did play we were lucky enough to get orange slices at halftime. That has evolved into water throughout the game and a designated "snack person" at each game. The Man has never heard of such a thing, and it goes a long way to explain why today's kids have a Buddha belly like The Man -- STOP EATING SUGAR RIGHT AFTER YOU'VE EXERCISED!

Rule #3: Ignore the parents.

Let's be honest. Most parents are pretty decent. It's the few assholes that ruin it for the rest of us. Your parents job is to cheer for you and that's it, not to scream at the officials or coach like an idiot every time something goes wrong for your little pumpkin. He's 14 in a rec league -- he'll get over that no-call shooting foul.

Rule #4: Be prepared to play secretary.

"Did Billy get the message that our practice was cancelled?"

"I'm calling again to make sure Johnny remembers his home jersey."

"GOD FORBID, PLEASE DO NOT FORGET THE GOD DAMN SNACKS."

The Man's advice is to bump up the minutes on your cell phone, 'cause you're gonna need 'em. Work? You can't work. Otherwise you won't be able to return a phone call from a parent at a moment's notice.

Rule #5: Try to have fun

At the end of the day, these kids want to play. 1st graders, 8th graders, it doesn't matter. Just show them the fundamentals, let them play and have fun. You'll have more fun too.

The Man's Lock of the Night

The Man is back (again) with his NBA lock of the night. The New York Knicks are a disgrace of a team that just picked up Steve Francis from the Magic. No one knows what Isaiah is thinking with Marbury and Francis in the backcourt, but look for the Knicks to change their name to the New York Most Selfish Roster of All Times.

New Jersey, on the other hand, is on a roll, winning their last 3 games. This game opened at NJ -4.5 and is already up to -5.5. The Man is buying 2.5 points to bring it down to NJ - 3. Look for Vincanity to reign in the Garden tonight!

Super Theft

The Super Bowl is supposed to be the 2 best teams in the league, 11 on 11, gutting it out for the [arguably] greatest trophy in all of sports. Unfortunately for the Seahawks, the game wasn't 11 on 11... in fact, it was more like 12 on 11. Or 13, or 14, how however many bad officiating calls were made (and endorsed via instant replay) throughout the game.

From the phantom holding call that took Seattle out of a 1st and goal, to the weak push-off interference call on D. Jack, to the foot kicking the pylon doesn't count TD, the Seahawks got jobbed.

So the Man went 0-2 on his Superbowl picks. The Man accepts this but under protest. Had the phantom push off, didn't kick the pylon TD and phantom holding calls not happened, Seattle would have had at LEAST 17 points, which would have put them in the lead at 27-21, thereby beating the over and covering the spread.

They say the best way to forget about pain is to keep on keepin' on. The Man will get over this with some NBA & NCAA picks this week, stay tuned.

The Man's Pick

Super Sunday, a day where all Men will stuff themselves with cheese puffs, drink until they puke, watch the year's best TV commercials, gamble amongst friends, and, oh yeah -- there's that game.

The Man is going to keep this short and sweet - Pittsburgh is giving 4 points to a Seattle team that can score and has been on an incredible run - 9 up and 1 down in their last 10. And if you've watched Pittsburgh, aka Blitzburgh, their only weakness is against the pass -- which Seattle can do. QB Matt Hasselbeck threw for over 3800 yards this year AND had the league's rushing leader in Shaun Alexander. So even if the score gets out of hand, Seattle has the offense to come back via their air attack.

Pittsburgh, on the other hand, has the advantage of this being as close to a home game as you can get. By the looks of it, the stands at Ford Field will be covered in black and yellow this week. Side note -- The Man doesn't get the "Terrible Towel". It's a towel, and unless it's been the back seat of your car for awhile or under the toilet, it's probably not all that terrible. But The Man digresses...

The Man likes Seattle to stay in this game, so he's buying 3 points to give them a full touchdown. The over for this game is at 47. Looking at the last few Superbowls, the over should be a lock. But because the Man doesn't like to go out into the snow without his hat on, he's buying a few points to bring it down to 44.

Let's recap - Seattle stays in the game with their offense (+7) and expect the game to be over 44 points.

The Man will be back with NCAA and NBA picks this week!

The Big Game pick by The Man

The Man's been teetering on .500 over the bowl season and wants to give you a gift in 2006 with his pick for tonight's National Championship game. But before giving you The Man's rock-solid, lock of the year pick, The Man wants to look at tonight's team mascots.

Southern Cal's mascot is the Trojan. Admittedly, when The Man was growing up, his parents went to California and the only thing he wanted was a Trojans sweatshirt. The Man's parents came back with a "USC" sweatshirt - not the same thing.

The Man also used to own a few Longhorns hats, having to explain to females the sexual connotation. The ultimate battle of the sexes matchup would be the Oregon State Beavers against the Longhorns, but The Man will have to settle for Trojans and Longhorns. Tonight's matchup literally will come down to whether or not the Trojans will be able to keep the wraps on the Longhorn star, Vince Young, and if the Longhorns will be able to penetrate into the backfield and take care of Bush.

OK, enough with the sex talk - here's the skinny: each team features a potent offense - Texas is 10-1 against the over this year, USC is 7-5. Look for each team to score tonight - a lot. The Man expects the final score to be in the range of 45-42, which means you should take the Longhorns getting 7.5 and the over. Because The Man likes to play it safe (no pun intended), he's buying points each way to bring the spread up to Texas +10 and the over down to 66. Lock of the year!