The Man Blog

The Man is calling for a playoff

2007-01-08T23:10:00.000-05:00

Tonight's BCS Championship game is a joke - as of this writing, the Gators are up 34-14 and the Buckeyes look like a team that's working it's way through end of Summer two-a-days, not an undefeated team.

Whose shoulders does this fall on? The Man is pointing his middle finger at Big Ten commissioner Jim Delaney. His comments when asked about a playoff being in the best interest of college football at large?

He readily admits a playoff could be good for Division I-A football at large but quickly adds, "I don't work for college football at large."

Shut up, dick. Your teams got utterly DESTROYED in the Rose and National Title games. They've sat too long and will lose recruits as a result of these games. That hurts the quality of play in the Big Ten and their long term reputation to be selected to play in major bowls by the press and coaches. Like it or not, you DO work for college football at large.

Tiki runs wild, and oh yeah - the NFC North is shit

2006-12-31T13:10:00.000-05:00

The 2006 Fantasy Football season has been a strange one, with LT being shut out during most leagues' championship games and now this - after a season full of controversy, a retirement announcement, being yanked at the goal line for ~~Ron Dayne~~ ~~Mo Williams~~ ~~Jerome Bettis~~ Brandon Jacobs and a ton of yards with no TDs to show for it, Tiki Barber went off yesterday racking up 234 yards and 3 TDs against the Redskins, [most likely] catapulting the G-Men into the playoffs. And of course The Man had him on the bench.

After checking out the playoff scenario, the NFC East will boast three teams in the post season while the NFC North will have just one - Da Bears. Granted, Da Bears are the top seed, but how pathetic is it that the lowly Packers, who are in a rebuilding ~~decade~~ year, are a strength of schedule tie-breaker away from making the playoffs? Talk about a weak division.

Who does The Man like in the NFL playoffs? Barring any injuries today, The Man likes the Saints to emerge from the NFC and the Chargers in the AFC. It wouldn't surprise The Man to see the Ravens make some noise as well (solid D + ball control + mistake free offense = victories).

Sorry, Bears, but The Man saw Grossman sink to a new low with his single digit QB rating a few weeks ago -- and that kind of inconsistency in the playoffs will kill you.

Tagged: NFL, Tiki Barber, fantasy football

Dumbest thing The Man's heard this year

2006-12-19T19:24:00.000-05:00

The Man was listening to an interview with Detroit Red Wing Kris Draper this morning on the local sports radio station when he was asked by the producer/substitute co-host:

"You're familiar with the Terrell Owens spitting incident, where he spit in DeAngelo Hall's face this past weekend?"

Drapes: "Yes"

"Would you say that's the most disrespectful thing a player can do to another on the field?"

Drapes: "Yeah, that's probably the worst thing you can do to disrespect them."

The Man would like to point out that in 1996 Kris Draper went face-first into the boards courtesy of a cheap shot by then-Colorado Avalanche player Claude Lemieux, requiring his jaw to be wired shut and reconstructive surgery on his face.

See for yourself:

But yeah, spitting's much worse.

Tagged: sports, sports radio, kris draper, claude lemieux, detroit red wings, colorado avalanche, terrell owens, deangelo hall

Rumblings of a Millen firing

2006-11-26T12:29:00.000-05:00

Terry Foster is reporting in today's Detroit News that the Ford family is negotiating a buyout of Matt Millen's contract as the President and CEO of the Detroit Lions. This comes after a 5 year extension signed in August of 2005. Call it their version of the "Way Forward" plan.

The Man wants to offer up his advice for the interviewing process of the next Lions CEO:

1. Track record. If you hire another no-name, former player, no-experience dum-dum then this city's gonna riot. Look at the Tigers, Pistons and Red Wings - all have arguably the best front office men in their respective sports and are successful.

2. Have a plan for Day 1. Don't hire a great PR guy, a likable guy, a storyteller or a "visionary". Bring someone in who can make a difference on the first day and has a real plan in place to make this team a contender next year. The Ravens, Patriots, Bucs, Seahawks, Rams, et al went from mediocre teams to Superbowl contenders in one year. A five year turnaround isn't required when you can cut and sign players.

3. Talent. The Man hasn't seen such a bad judge of talent since he watched the first seasons of "Rockstar" on CBS. Charles Rogers? Mike Williams? Millen made a promise to draft players in his likeness - tough, hard nosed, bad asses - and went with finesse instead. Not to mention LAZY finesse. The Man watches Denver draft and trade and sign year after year and they always end up with diamonds in the rough - so why can't the Lions do the same?

4. Change the logo. Adding black highlights to the jersey isn't what The Man calls change. The Man's talking wholesale change. Like losing the Ford Blue from the jerseys and making them look intimidating (see: Tampa Bay Creamsicle colors to now). The current jersey stands for losing and mediocrity. Player put it on and murmur a "meh".

5. Dump Rory. Sorry, my friend, but this isn't a children's birthday party - overgrown stuff cartoon Lions don't belong on the football field. The Man suggests having real lions on the sidelines in cages. Now that's fucking intimidating.

6. Women. No, I'm not saying cater to women at the games. The current stadium is nice... almost too nice. This is supposed to be a bad ass, blue collar town - where we love our beer cheap, our stadiums outdoor and our women with big boobs. And since the first two aren't attainable at Ford Field at least give us real cheerleaders. The Man watches Tampa Bay and Dallas games and gets a boner, only fueling his machismo to scream louder at the TV. The Man's seen Automotion at the Palace, can't the Lions at least match that?

There's The Man's advice for rebuilding. Take it or keep losing.

Tagged: Detroit Lions, NFL, football, Matt Millen

Detroiters are fed up with their Leos

2006-11-25T11:28:00.000-05:00

The Man witnessed what appears to be the final straw for most Detroit Lions fans on Thanksgiving - their former QB, Joey Harrington, returning to town under ex-MSU coach Nick Saban and torching them for 3 TDs on their home turf.

Now it goes without saying that the Lions are terrible. In fact, this marks Matt Millen's 70th loss in 5 seasons as the GM of the Lions. Last year's Millen Man March and national calls to "Fire Millen" apparently didn't have the Ford family's attention, as he was rewarded with a 5 year contract extension this past off season.

It's the incompetency of the Lions ownership and management that has The Man fed up as well. They had two of the best scouting and front office talents in the NFL pre-Millen in Ron Hughes and Kevin Colbert (no relation to Stephen), who've since moved onto help the Steelers win a Superbowl.

Prior to the Millen era the Fords were content with having no-name coaches, none of which ever went on to coach in any capacity in the NFL post-Lions.

So why does The Man feel as though this is the end for Lions fans?

Check out the message boards. Former Detroiters are coming back to their local papers and complaining:

it appears that the ford's run both of their companies with something in common: they only care about the money they make and they don't care about the sh--ty quality of the product they produce. until the stupid fans who keep going to the games stop going this will not change.

Beware, Fords -- The city and state are shrinking in population. It's only a matter of time before the die-hards get tired of your act and lose interest.

Tagged: Detroit Lions, Miami Dolphins, Nick Saban, Joey Harrington, NFL

The Man wants a rematch

2006-11-18T19:50:00.000-05:00

As you know, The Man is a connoisseur of football. Today's OSU / Michigan game was epic, however The Man wants to see a rematch. People are arguing that Ohio State wouldn't turn over the ball three times again if they played. But Michigan also would prepare for a 5-wide set. The passing of Bo Schembechler was at the very least another distraction. Plus the road team only lost by 3 points in a very hostile environment.

The Man wants to see a rematch on a neutral field for that exact reason - the field. OSU's field was a joke, and for a supposed top program it seemed very amateurish to re-sod less than a month before the biggest game with your biggest rival. It's a pathetic of a tactic as the bus search that happened in Columbus last time these foes met.

Tagged: college football, Ohio State, Michigan

Win a trip to see College Gameday on ESPN live!

2006-11-13T14:45:00.000-05:00

Home Depot is sponsoring a contest to win a trip to ESPN's College Game Day for you and 10 of your friends. You can enter by going to Collegegameday.com. And remember, if you win - The Man gets to go with ya so he can say "Not so fast, my friend!" to Lee Corso, mess up Fowler's hair and rub it in Kirk Herbstreit's face when OSU goes down in flames against Michigan this week!

You can enter EVERY DAY for a chance to win - the Man just did!

Tagged: ESPN, college+game+day, Home Depot, college football

Dear NFL Scheduling Department,

2006-10-18T16:42:00.000-04:00

YOU SUCK for having so many teams on a bye week at once.

Signed,
The Man and everyone else that plays fantasy football

Tagged: NFL, fantasy football

The Man is sad tonight

2006-10-14T23:51:00.000-04:00

No, not because the powerful Michigan defense knocked Penn State's top 2 QBs out of the game, thus preventing a 3-0 weekend, but because of the disgrace that was the Miami/Florida International football game tonight.

First of all, the 'Canes should have stomped the FIU team by 100 points - you recruit the state's top talent and should be able to trounce one of ESPN's Bottom 10 teams without playing your starters.

Second, the after point ruckus that ensued is a black eye on the Miami program. Larry Coker should be fired and the players that participated in the stomping, helmet-hitting and punching should be thrown off the team. There is a difference between a street fight for your life and a regulated, officiated football game. The Man is sad tonight because regardless of the background of anyone on the field the bottom line is that it is a GAME.

Tagged: NCAA football, Miami, florida international

The Man's College Football Picks

2006-10-10T10:21:00.000-04:00

Well, the Man only served up one game last weekend but it was a winner - the Pats covered the 9 point spread by 1.

Here are this week's college football picks:

Ohio State -14.5 at Michigan State: Drew Stanton challenged his team to come out and fight for their coach against Michigan - and they got drubbed, 31-13. MSU basketball stud Matt Trannon and RB Javon Ringer will be out, which means the OSU defense can shut down Stanton without fear of any other big play receivers or backs stepping up to beat them. The Man is buying a point to bring it under 14, taking OSU on the road -13.5.

Hawaii at Fresno State: What the hell has happened to the Bulldogs? Their once "play anyone, anytime, anywhere" mantra should be changed to "play patsies, at home, who can't throw". The 'Dogs have been outpassed in four games this year, with the only exception coming against barely D-I Utah State last week. Look for June Jones's high octane passing attack to soar against Fresno this week. Take the Rainbow Warrirors and buy a point and half to bring it to Hawaii -3.

Michigan -6 at Penn State: "Super" Mario Manningham will be out of this game, essentially taking away Michigan's big play capability. It's a night game in Happy Valley, so look for PSU to come up with a flukey big play or turnover to be the difference that keeps Penn State close. Take the Nittany Lions and buy a point - they won't win but should cover getting a touchdown.

Tagged: college football, NCAA football, gambling

The Man does... product reviews?

2006-10-06T22:15:00.000-04:00

That's right... The Man isn't dumb. He sees beer bloggers getting free booze and mom bloggers getting free food -- and he wants in! So The Man is going talk about one of the only things he knows... beer. But these aren't going to be your long, drawn out, takes 20 minutes to read reviews. These are The Man's product reviews.

The Man picked up a few new seasonal brews at his local grocer - Samuel Adams Octoberfest and a Pumpkin Ale, made by Buffalo Bill's Brewery in California.

Now you might be thinking, "Man, how the hell can you betray us? You normally drink lagers, pilsners and the occasional whiskey!"

True, but even The Man needs a break from beer butt. (Beer butt, adj.: a term that describes the state of your colon the morning after drinking cheap beer; also know as beer shits, beer ass, and the runs.) And The Man has figured out that spending a few extra bucks on a six pack means a few less trips to the can the next morning. Besides, both were on sale.

So here goes... first up: Samuel Adams Octoberfest

According to the label, Octoberfest started in 1810 when "a large festival was held in Munich, Germany to celebrate the wedding of the Crown Prince of Bavaria. The festival was repeated the next year and gave rise to the tradition of Oktoberfest."

But this comes from Jim Koch, a genius among beermeisters, because Sam Adams is actually brewed by Anheuser-Busch and Jim Koch markets it exclusively. Pretty genius if you ask The Man. But does The Man believe everything he reads? No. According to Wikipedia that sounds right... but Wikipedia isn't always right. So The Man went to another source: German Fun.org. And they concur, so The Man is a believer.

So how's the beer? Good. In fact, it doesn't have that caramel-y taste of a regular Sam Adams... it almost tastes like there are faint traces of spices in it - but in a good way. To be frank, it has a taste that captures the season of Fall in a bottle. Can you slam 12 of them like you could, say, a Coors Light? No. But it is a very good seasonal beer, nearly as perfect as Bell's Oberon is for Summer. The Man gives it 4.5 ball scratches out of a possibile 5.

Next up: Buffalo Bill's Brewery Pumpkin Ale

The Man saw this and thought "What the f*&k is this? Pumpkin in beer? You must be kidding." But then The Man walked by the "discount" rack and saw singles for .99 each and figured "What the hell, if it's that bad it'll just get pawned off on guests or will get pounded during one of The Man's late night drinking binges."

So The Man picked up a couple of these. And was really, really surprised. It was spicy. It tasted like pumpkins. And some small part of The Man felt like The Boy, reminiscing about door to door Halloween trick or treating, picking apples at the Cider Mill and hayrides. And The Man was happy.

Now if there's one thing The Man knows, it's a good thing when he sees it. But he also knows when there's too much of a good thing. This beer is the perfect gift to present a friend when they come over to watch the game - but don't plan on having more than a few... otherwise The Prophet within The Man forsees a miserable tomorrow full of trips to the can and a burning sensation back there.

The Man gives the Pumpkin Ale 4 ball scratches out of 5. Pick up this gem and some Octoberfest next time you head to the store - and you can thank The Man for it!

Tagged: beer, Samuel Adams, Pumpkin Beer, Octoberfest, Buffalo Bill's Brewery

The Man's NFL Lock of the Week

2006-10-06T21:00:00.000-04:00

Miami +10 at New England. The Pats exploded last week at Cincy, scoring 38 points. Dante Culpepper has an injured shoulder and is questionable for Sunday, which means ex-Lion Joey "Blue Skies" Harrington will be forced to lead the team if the Pats D knocks Culpepper out. Did The Man mention that Miami is average a paultry 89 yards per game on the ground? Look for a weak Miami team to be annihilated by the Pats. The Man is buying a point to bring it to New England -9.

Tagged: gambling, NFL

The Man is glad Summer is officially over

2006-09-27T21:24:00.001-04:00

With nighttime temperatures dropping into the low 50s, The Man is marking the end of Summer tonight with his last Oberon from the fridge. Sure, it was nice to sit in an air conditioned house for three months, occassionally stepping out to get a farmer's tan while cutting the grass and barbequeing, but in The Man's opinion it's about time Summer is over. Here are The Man's Top 3 reasons he's glad to see Fall ushered in. Why only 3? Because The Man is lazy! Besides -- I just gave you 4 winning picks this weekend, damnit!!

3. The Man likes his seasons the way he likes his dinner plate to look -- full of yellow, orange and brown. Notice -- NO GREEN.

2. No more sweating while walking from the car to the liquor store. Sure, it's only 15 feet, but 95 degree and humid sucks even if you have to travel an inch.

1. Football season is upon us! Time for The Man to crush all those who oppose him in his Fantasy League (where The Man's team is currently 3-0) and watch football on the tube non-stop... Thursday night games, Friday night games, Saturday, Sunday (all day), Monday... a gluttony of pigskin action = The Man's in heaven.

The Man's NCAA Football picks

2006-09-27T20:21:00.000-04:00

Well, The Man isn't the type that likes to gloat, but if you took last week's college football picks you went 3-0-1 last week. Not bad for a beer lovin' guy that wears sweats and a mustard-stained undershirt!

Here are The Man's college football picks for the week with one NFL game in there:

California -9 at Oregon State: After a week 1 embarassment at Tennessee, the Golden Bears are back on track racking up double digits victories over Minnesota and Arizona State. Look for Cal to conitnue its winning ways, The Man is buying 2 1/2 to get it under a touchdown at Cal -6 1/2.

Boise State +4 at Utah: Sure, the Utes have been airing it out to the tune of 220 yards per game, but the running game of Boise State will take over in the end and wear down the Utah defense. Look for Boise to cover and an outright win.

Wisconsin -10.5 at Indiana: Wisconsin got pounded at Michigan last weekend, but look for the Badgers to get their former #1 NCAA rusher PJ Hill Jr going again... and there's not a thing Indiana can do about it. Buy a point to bring it under 10 to Wisconsin -9.

Here's The Man's NFL pick of the week...

Seattle at Chicago: Shaun Alexander says he'll play with a cracked bone in his foot. Don't count on it. The Bears lost to Carolina in the playoffs last year and know that in order to be the NFC King this year that they'll need to take out last year's champ. The line has moved a lot from Chicago +1 to -3 1/2, but you can still make a few bucks - take Da Bears and buy a point to get it to -2 1/2. Daaaaaaaaaaaa BEARS!

Tagged: gambling, NCAA football, NFL

The Man's college football picks

2006-09-17T21:54:00.000-04:00

The lines for this week's NCAA games are out, and The Man is looking to stay perfect on the college season with these picks:

Louisville -9 at Kansas State. They trounced Miami's defense for 31 points... You think K State will fare any better? Lay the 9 points and collect your $$ on Saturday afternoon.

Utah State at BYU -30.5. Utah State is pathetic. BYU lost in 2 OTs to Boston College and can score. To borrom a line from The 40 Year Old Virgin, "You know how I know you suck? Because your only touchdown this season came against a D-IAA school". The Man is buying 3 to bring it down to BYU -27.5.

Central Michigan -3.5 at Eastern Michigan. The Chips hung tough with the BC Eagles in Week 1, while the Eagles struggled to lose to Northwestern. CMU should win by at least a TD, the Man is buying 1 point to get rid of the hook and get it under a field goal at CMU -2.5.

USC -17 at Arizona. Arizona has a great defense, however they can't score. USC can score and made the Nebraska defense look silly. Look for the Trojans to put up big numbers at AU, especially in the second half.

Tagged: NCAA, football, gambling

Heart attack waiting to happen

2006-09-15T22:32:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am talking about the Kansas-Toledo game going on right now on ESPN2. But no, I'm not talking about the game itself. The Man is referring to the big men on the sidelines. Toledo's coach, Tom Amstutz and Kansas's coach, Mark Mangino have to weigh in over 6 bills combined. They'd give former WWF tag team the Natural Disasters a run for their money, that's for sure.

Toledo coach Tom Amstutz and Kansas coach Mark Magino

vs.

Natural Disasters, Earthquake and Typhoon

Tagged: college football, Kansas, Toledo, Tom Amstutz, Mark Mangino, WWF, espn2

The Man's NFL Picks

2006-09-15T22:08:00.000-04:00

Two games that are sure to hit this weekend are the Eagles at -3 and the Cowboys at -6.5 Why? The Man explains.

The Eagles signing of Dante Stallworth was huge. Look for McNabb to burn the G-Men's secondary deep with the combination of Stallworth and Westbrook - The Man like's that guy's chances in the flat against smaller DBs. Philly looks like a team that has it all together, however expect Eli to keep it close - until he throws a big turnover. Buy a point to bring it to Eagles -2.

Clinton Portis is out for the 'Skins. Parcells lost twice to Washington last year. Washington's Brunell looks like garbage. Sure, Drew Bledsoe did too, but at least he has a home game and Julius Jones powering the ball out of the backfield. Game over. Lay the 6.5 points, with all of the Skinds offensive woes and grinding Dallas O, the Skins defense will be on the field too long to keep it close. This could get ugly.

Tagged: NFL, gambling, football

The Man welcomes in College Football

2006-09-15T14:29:00.000-04:00

The Man has been kicking it all Summer, waiting for the return of his favorite sport -- football (Sorry, NFL Europe, but that crap ain't cuttin' it with The Man). The Man has fallen off the wagon again but has gone 4-0 since the return of the season with several teasers and individual bets paying off (thanks, West Virginia, for the trouncing of Maryland last night!).

Here are The Man's picks for this weekend:

Boise State's quick work of Oregon State on the Smurf Turf last week shows that the departure of Dan Hawkins won't slow down this high powered offense. What's even more surprising is that they're doing it on the ground, outrushing their first 2 opponents by 165 and 244 yards respectively. So how will they fare at D-IA Wyoming? After beating up on Utah State and a one point loss at Virginia you might think the Cowboys are for real. The line has moved from Wyoming +8.5 down to +7. However, both of their games have come against barely competitive D-I schools -- and by competitive I mean against D-II schools. Give me the high flying Broncos (and a point) to get it down to BSU -6.

Michigan visit Notre Dame this week in what should be a great matchup. Georgia Tech took ND down to the wire in Week 1, which should've helped Lloyd Carr's new D coordinator Rod English come up with some pretty aggressive defense schemes. Look for a low scoring affair with Michigan's passing attack being the difference here. Remember, a strong arm and receiving corp trumps a bad ND secondary. The line opened at Michigan getting 7.5 and is down to +5.5. The Man's buying 2.5 points and taking Michigan +8.

The Temple Owls visit the Minnesota Golden Gophers in what will be a blow out. Temple was -296 in rushing yards against Louisville last week and was -145 through the air. The Gophers are coming off a big road loss to Cal, so look for a strong rebound game against a weak opponent. Minnesota (-41.5) will run past Temple, however The Man is buying 2 points to bring his magic number down to MINN -39.5.

Tagged: NCAA, football, gambling

New Man Law

2006-06-29T16:22:00.000-04:00

The Man was at a barbeque the other day when it started to rain. The cooler holding all of the beer was out in the open, being rained on. Someone suggested "We should put the cooler in a wheelbarrel, that way it's easier to move it in case it rains". Sorry, The Man's not down with that. You have testosterone and a sack, pick up the god damn cooler and move it with your arms and legs. Wheelbarrels are for moving large objects like rocks, or loose stuff like dirt. Coolers? Aww, hell naw.

Man law.

Tagged: Man law

The Man's Man Laws

2006-06-27T12:04:00.000-04:00

The Man has noticed a certain series of commercials where representatives from sports & entertainment are gathered around a square table discussing "Man Laws". While The Man does find them funny, there are a few they've yet to pass into law. Hence, here are a few of The Man's Man Laws:

1. A man can wear a sports team's jersey ONLY if it has his name or NO name on it. Cheering for another guy is for high school cheerleaders.

2. Men should not use Post-It notes, especially the neon-colored ones. You have two hands for a reason - one to write, the other to write on.

3. Men with MySpace accounts are not allowed to use BlinkYou comments.

4. Men can not use topless photos of themselves as a MySpace profile picture unless they're accompanied by topless women.

5. Men are not allowed to own cats.

More of The Man's Man Laws to come...

Tag: Man laws

A Night of Disappointment

2006-06-02T23:27:00.000-04:00

After watching the Pistons shoot a pathetic 33% tonight (and not cover), I flipped over to NBC's Last Comic Standing and saw the selection process that was really disappointing, especially in Chicago. They had 3 "passes" to move onto the next round, and long time comic Larry Reeb didn't make the cut.

Larry is a funny guy. The Man remembers as The Kid catching Rodney Dangerfield's HBO specials that featured talents like Sam Kinison, Tim Allen and Roseanne Barr. One comic lost in that shuffle was Larry Reeb. His standup was hilarious, and it wasn't just the immature 13 year old in The Man thinking it.

The Man caught a re-run of the 1980's Rodney special on HBO and saw Larry's act again; it was hilarious. He used to end his jokes with his signature "Tip from your Uncle Lar". Here's a gem:

"My wife asked me to do the laundry. You guys ever hear of this? Me neither. So I took her favorite wool sweater, popped it in on 'hot'. By the time it came out it looked like a ski mask. But at least I don't have to do the laundry anymore. Tip from your Uncle Lar."

He had a great bit, and given that every other comic that was featured on Rodney's special was given a primetime show in the 90's I figured Larry was writing, producing, or something behind the scenes. Nope. Larry's still a struggling comic, trying to catch his big break.

Needless to say The Man was shocked when he saw he was a contestant on the Chicago portion of the show. Larry Reeb, whose last name is Beer backwards (genius), was dismissed after telling a great joke:

"You know alcohol is taxed heavily, and those tax dollars go to support schools. So don't look at it like you're an alcoholic... you're an education supporter!"

The crowd laughed. The Man laughed. And then the Chicago vote was in... Larry didn't make it. Instead, a moron with jokes about being stoned as a kindergartener having trouble getting his snowsuit off and requesting a nap and a snack made it to the next round. The guy wasn't funny... but again, The Man is biased because of the Reeb history. At any rate, The Man is very disappointed tonight -- neither Larry Reeb nor the Pistons advance.

Tagged with: Last Comic Standing, NBC, Larry Reeb

Eastern Confernece Finals - Game 5 pick

2006-06-02T14:14:00.000-04:00

The Pistons and Heat go at it tonight in Miami with a trip to the Finals on the line for the home team, a return trip to the Motor City for game 7 if the 'Stones win.

Detroit showed a lot of heart and played with the tenacity they need to keep it close. Their shooting percentage for the series is 41%, which isn't horrid but when Miami is shooting 66% it's a problem. Slowing down Shaq and Wade at home is going to be another problem as well, and with Rasheed Wallace's bum ankle it's going to be hard to imagine the Pistons can beat the Heat at home without his outside shooting and inside shot blocking presence.

Miami is currently at a -4. If the Pistons have shown us anything, it's that they play well with their backs are up against the wall... But their inconsistent play doesn't bode well for them tonight. The Man is buying 3 points and taking the Pistons +7 - if the defending Eastern Conference champs go down, it's going to be last-second Wade heroics that do them in. Final score: Miami 91, Detroit 89.

Tagged: NBA, Miami Heat, Detroit Pistons, basketball, gambling

The Man's Guide to Coaching

2006-05-10T20:38:00.000-04:00

The Man has been busy, even by his standards, coaching kids basketball and soccer leagues. I've learned several things over the course of the past few months and want to share that knowledge with you.

Rule #1: You can't smoke and coach at the same time.

No, The Man isn't talking about puffing a stoagie while instructing. I'm talking about having a half a pack the night before you have to run up and down the field yelling at the little squirts... although The Man did cough up a naked lady lighter he thought he'd lost.

Rule #2: Bring snacks.

The Man hasn't played organized kids sports in a long time, however when he did play we were lucky enough to get orange slices at halftime. That has evolved into water throughout the game and a designated "snack person" at each game. The Man has never heard of such a thing, and it goes a long way to explain why today's kids have a Buddha belly like The Man -- STOP EATING SUGAR RIGHT AFTER YOU'VE EXERCISED!

Rule #3: Ignore the parents.

Let's be honest. Most parents are pretty decent. It's the few assholes that ruin it for the rest of us. Your parents job is to cheer for you and that's it, not to scream at the officials or coach like an idiot every time something goes wrong for your little pumpkin. He's 14 in a rec league -- he'll get over that no-call shooting foul.

Rule #4: Be prepared to play secretary.

"Did Billy get the message that our practice was cancelled?"

"I'm calling again to make sure Johnny remembers his home jersey."

"GOD FORBID, PLEASE DO NOT FORGET THE GOD DAMN SNACKS."

The Man's advice is to bump up the minutes on your cell phone, 'cause you're gonna need 'em. Work? You can't work. Otherwise you won't be able to return a phone call from a parent at a moment's notice.

Rule #5: Try to have fun

At the end of the day, these kids want to play. 1st graders, 8th graders, it doesn't matter. Just show them the fundamentals, let them play and have fun. You'll have more fun too.

The Man's Lock of the Night

2006-02-24T10:57:00.000-05:00

The Man is back (again) with his NBA lock of the night. The New York Knicks are a disgrace of a team that just picked up Steve Francis from the Magic. No one knows what Isaiah is thinking with Marbury and Francis in the backcourt, but look for the Knicks to change their name to the New York Most Selfish Roster of All Times.

New Jersey, on the other hand, is on a roll, winning their last 3 games. This game opened at NJ -4.5 and is already up to -5.5. The Man is buying 2.5 points to bring it down to NJ - 3. Look for Vincanity to reign in the Garden tonight!

Super Theft

2006-02-06T09:32:00.000-05:00

The Super Bowl is supposed to be the 2 best teams in the league, 11 on 11, gutting it out for the [arguably] greatest trophy in all of sports. Unfortunately for the Seahawks, the game wasn't 11 on 11... in fact, it was more like 12 on 11. Or 13, or 14, how however many bad officiating calls were made (and endorsed via instant replay) throughout the game.

From the phantom holding call that took Seattle out of a 1st and goal, to the weak push-off interference call on D. Jack, to the foot kicking the pylon doesn't count TD, the Seahawks got jobbed.

So the Man went 0-2 on his Superbowl picks. The Man accepts this but under protest. Had the phantom push off, didn't kick the pylon TD and phantom holding calls not happened, Seattle would have had at LEAST 17 points, which would have put them in the lead at 27-21, thereby beating the over and covering the spread.

They say the best way to forget about pain is to keep on keepin' on. The Man will get over this with some NBA & NCAA picks this week, stay tuned.

The Man's Pick

2006-02-05T10:09:00.000-05:00

Super Sunday, a day where all Men will stuff themselves with cheese puffs, drink until they puke, watch the year's best TV commercials, gamble amongst friends, and, oh yeah -- there's that game.

The Man is going to keep this short and sweet - Pittsburgh is giving 4 points to a Seattle team that can score and has been on an incredible run - 9 up and 1 down in their last 10. And if you've watched Pittsburgh, aka Blitzburgh, their only weakness is against the pass -- which Seattle can do. QB Matt Hasselbeck threw for over 3800 yards this year AND had the league's rushing leader in Shaun Alexander. So even if the score gets out of hand, Seattle has the offense to come back via their air attack.

Pittsburgh, on the other hand, has the advantage of this being as close to a home game as you can get. By the looks of it, the stands at Ford Field will be covered in black and yellow this week. Side note -- The Man doesn't get the "Terrible Towel". It's a towel, and unless it's been the back seat of your car for awhile or under the toilet, it's probably not all that terrible. But The Man digresses...

The Man likes Seattle to stay in this game, so he's buying 3 points to give them a full touchdown. The over for this game is at 47. Looking at the last few Superbowls, the over should be a lock. But because the Man doesn't like to go out into the snow without his hat on, he's buying a few points to bring it down to 44.

Let's recap - Seattle stays in the game with their offense (+7) and expect the game to be over 44 points.

The Man will be back with NCAA and NBA picks this week!

The Big Game pick by The Man

2006-01-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

The Man's been teetering on .500 over the bowl season and wants to give you a gift in 2006 with his pick for tonight's National Championship game. But before giving you The Man's rock-solid, lock of the year pick, The Man wants to look at tonight's team mascots.

Southern Cal's mascot is the Trojan. Admittedly, when The Man was growing up, his parents went to California and the only thing he wanted was a Trojans sweatshirt. The Man's parents came back with a "USC" sweatshirt - not the same thing.

The Man also used to own a few Longhorns hats, having to explain to females the sexual connotation. The ultimate battle of the sexes matchup would be the Oregon State Beavers against the Longhorns, but The Man will have to settle for Trojans and Longhorns. Tonight's matchup literally will come down to whether or not the Trojans will be able to keep the wraps on the Longhorn star, Vince Young, and if the Longhorns will be able to penetrate into the backfield and take care of Bush.

OK, enough with the sex talk - here's the skinny: each team features a potent offense - Texas is 10-1 against the over this year, USC is 7-5. Look for each team to score tonight - a lot. The Man expects the final score to be in the range of 45-42, which means you should take the Longhorns getting 7.5 and the over. Because The Man likes to play it safe (no pun intended), he's buying points each way to bring the spread up to Texas +10 and the over down to 66. Lock of the year!

Happy New Year from The Man

2006-01-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

Here are The Man's New Year's Day (late) picks:

Florida vs. Iowa
Not a lot stands out when The Man looks at the stats for these teams - on paper they're comparable. The Big Ten hasn't posted a bowl victory yet, and the SEC is a stronger conference overall... couple Urban Meyer's spread offense with Iowa wins against bad teams like Illinois, Northern Iowa, Indiana and Purdue, and a season finale loss to Iowa State means the Hawkeyes are goin' down. Take Florida getting a point.

Alabama vs. Texas Tech
Too much offense versus a horrid offense means Texas Tech should cover the 3 point spread. Take Tech -3.

Virginia Tech vs. Louisville
VA Tech was considered a national title contender at one time. And Louisville's without their starting QB Brohm. Look for Marcus Vick to have a big game running and passing. The man's buying 2.5 points to bring it down to VA Tech -7.

Wisconsin vs. Auburn
Auburn's running game is going to send Barry Alvarez out a loser. The Man read that the Badgers D is giving up over 400 yards a game, and the Auburn O line is monstrous. Buy a couple of points to bring it under 10, take Auburn -7.

Notre Dame vs. Ohio State
The Hawk and the impressive Buckeye defense will be the key to this game. I don't like giving ex-NFL coach Charlie Weiss 5 points, though -- this team almost beat USC. The Man is buying 2 and betting that ND will keep it within a TD.

Georgia vs. West Virginia
The beneficiaries of Hurricane Katrina, Georgia's playing what amounts to a home game at the Georgia Dome. Look for the Dawgs to cover the spread at -6.5.

The Man's picks for tonight

2005-12-28T14:13:00.000-05:00

The Man has 2 strong picks for tonight's bowl games.

Michigan is giving 10 points to a Nebraska team whose wins came against teams with a combined 33-35 record (go ahead, look it up - The Man knows how to work the calculator!), and when Nebraska can't stop the run they lose. Look for the Michigan backfield to get a lot of carries and cover the spread. But just to be safe, The Man is buying 3 points to bring it down to Michigan -7.

And, in Dan Hawkins last game as the Boise State coach, his blue turfed Broncs are getting 3 points at home against the 16th ranked Boston College Eagles. A little about Coach Hawkins - he lost his first home game at Boise State in 2001 and hasn't lost one since. That's impressive. Boise was exposed earlier in the season by big offensive lines... in essence, they can't stop a team that has one -- and BC has the largest that Boise will face. Boise State's Jared Zabransky has been average (17 TDs, 14 INTs) this season, so home game or not expect BC to get a few picks. Look for the Boise home streak to end, especially since The Man is buying 2 points and taking BC -1.

The Man doesn't need to gloat

2005-12-26T22:58:00.000-05:00

But what the hell. An impressive 4-1 week 1 of bowl games (that would have been 5-0 had Toledo not yanked their QB) gives The Man every right. That's right - just like Chad Johnson of the Cincinnati Bengals, The Man needs to do a dance. Not one of those unmanly Justin Timberlake or Usher dances, a man's dance.... like the Superbowl Shuffle.

If you missed The Man's stellar week of picks, stay tuned - there are more to come tomorrow!

Holiday Q&A with The Man

2005-12-23T18:09:00.000-05:00

The Man has been getting a lot of questions recently from guys wanting to know more about The Man, proper holiday etiquette, rules for work parties and more. So here goes Round 1 of The Man's Mail bag.

Dear The Man,

My girlfriend has been hinting that she wants jewelry this Christmas, but I only make a meager salary and in order to buy the jewelery will have to stop buying beer for awhile. What would The Man do?"

Signed,
Beer or Boobs

Hey BoB,
The Man sympathizes with you. I mean, what's a Man gotta do to deserve a cold one from time to time? Here's the solution - you sound like a Man's man. My guess is that you have a lot of empties lying around the apartment -- so instead of crushing them on your forehead or building that holiday beer pyramid, try returning your cans & bottles. I'm sure there'll be enough dough left over to spring for that heart shaped pendant The Man's been seing on TV.

Hey Man,
My parents think I should dress up for our family holiday gathering, when all I want to wear is a pair of jeans and my Urlacher Chicago Bears jersey. Who's right?

Sincerely,
Chicago Joe

Hi Joe,
First off, show some resepct -- it's The Man! It's difficult to give solid answer on your question -- is the jersey the home blue, away white or orange third jersey? Either way, it's probably a good idea to not bite the hand that feeds you. How about this -- let's compromise and score some points in the process. You can wear the jeans as long as you wear that ugly sweater Mom gave you last year for Christmas. You know, the one with the tags still on it in the back of your closet. Just to show your pride, layer that sweater with a Bears t-shirt underneath.

Dear Man,
There's this hot co-worker of mine that I think, if given a few drinks, I could nail at the company Christmas party tonight. I've read a lot of articles about sleeping with co-workers, and most say it's a bad idea. But what does The Man think?

Horny in Houston

Hey Horny (The Man doubts that's your real name, by the way),
Don't sweat it -- there's no such thing as guilt-free office romance, so just have a few drinks and see what happens. If you're any kind of Man you'll get some from her or the girl in the cube next to you. Just don't get in her pants infront of the rest of the office -- that way it's your word against hers!

That's all for now, have a great Holiday!

Oh, and had Toledo not yanked their starting QB with 4 minutes to go he'd be 3-0 in his bowl predictions!

A Special Time of the Year for The Man

2005-12-21T09:48:00.000-05:00

Every year millions of Americans celebrate a national past time that transcends generations, religions and race. What's that you say? Christmas? Hell no! The Man is talking about Bowl Season!

Sure, the Man gets bamboozled into buying gifts for the family. But The Man also knows he needs to satisfy his needs. During the holidays, don't forget to take a few minutes and ask the question -- what about me? What does the Man get for his hard work every year? Football for three weeks.

Last night's warm up game between Southern Miss and Arkansas State (they have a football team?) doesn't count. Well, it might count, but it's not in The Man's Bowl Pool. Here's the rundown of this weekend's upcoming bowl schedule (The Man's picks are bold. Enjoy!

December 21
UTEP vs. Toledo (-3)
The over/under for this game opened at 61 and is down to 60.5. Both offenses average over 438 yards per game, and their average combined points for and against are only around 56 points total; a few games against defensive oriented teams have brought those numbers down. Neither of these teams plays great defense, allowing well over 300 yards per game. Given the propensity to score and be scored on, The Man is taking the OVER.

December 22
BYU vs. Cal (-7.5)
Game has moved 1 full point from -6.5, apparently people like Cal's Pac 10 play versus the Mountain West BYU schedule. While BYU has blown out a few teams (and scored a ton of points), I don't think they have the athletes to hang with Cal, and their inability to stop the run puts them at a huge disadvantage. If they load up in the box, they could keep it close. The Man is buying 2.5 points and taking Cal at -5.

December 22
Navy vs. Colorado State (+3)
This is a no-brainer. Colorado state is barely above a .500 team. Navy runs the ball, Colorado State can't stop the run. Give the FG and take Navy.

December 23
Houston vs. Kansas (-3)
Houston's offense use to impress The Man. Then I checked their schedule. With wins against Rice and Sam Houston State and a loss against SMU, The Man can't side with Houston. And given that Kansas plays (and won against) better competition, I'm siding with the Jayhawks minus three.

December 26
Memphis vs. Akron (+5.5)
Akron surprised in the MAC championship game at Ford Field in Detroit not too long ago. But look for NFL-bound DeAngelo Williams to run wild on the Zips. The Man is buying 3 points to bring it down to under a field goal and taking Memphis -2.5.

More bowl game pics next week from The Man!

The Man Blogs For Charity

2005-10-03T16:08:00.000-04:00

OK, normally The Man is self serving, drunk and/or hungover, and arrogant. But today's he writing for a different reason.

A fellow Man is asking for help for a good cause. Mr. Clean is giving a buck to the Hands On Network every time someone submits an idea about how they use Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. The Hands On Networks is a growing charity that helps volunteers keep communities clean. You'd better believe they're gonna need a load of Magic Erasers to clean up New Orleans, so get over to their site and post your use right now:

http://www.homemadesimple.com/mrclean/eraser/index.shtml

The Man's Guide to Poker

2005-10-03T10:52:00.000-04:00

Over the last few years, The Man has been watching one of his favorite games, poker, explode onto the national scene. For some reason, it's even being covered on ESPN as if it's a sport. Agree or disagree, The Man is offering his Guide to Poker:

1. The poker face

Three words: No big deal. Much like a porno, bad acting will giveaway your hand and everyone will know you're faking it. Think about other scenarios in life where you've had to act like it's "no big deal"... walking down the street with your Woman and trying to catch a peek at a nice rack heading your way... early morning work outings where you're hungover... late night partying and you're wasted... they all have one thing in common that give you away every time -- your eyes. The Man recommends wearing dark shades to conceal your eyes from become the size of frying pans when that lucky hand comes up.

2. Betting

The Man loves to risk it all and go all in, but even he knows that it's stupid when you have the wrong hand. The Man always reads the table to see how others play -- if no one's bluffing, then chances are they're afraid or just don't have the cards... which means it's up to The Man to take charge. You can command the table and putting others in their place by betting aggressive when you have a good hand... Notice The Man didn't say GREAT, because any sucker can recognize when another player has a great hand.

Also, don't give yourself away. Much like the cheetah, you have to lay low before you attack. Making a huge opening bet is a sure sign that you've got a great hand.

3. Attire

The Man usually doesn't change out of his mustard-stained wife beater and sweats too often, however when playing poker it's important to wear clothes that look like you mean business. First hint - no logos. Wearing a brand name that isn't a sponsor will give away that you care about brands, which is a sign of weakness. Second hint - choose the right color. The Man likes the all-black look - it's intimidating, plus it hides your beer gut awfully well. Third hint - make sure you're wearing comfortable clothes. It's hard to keep a straight face when you have to keep picking your undies out of your crack every 2 minutes.

4. Learn the damn game

The Man has seen it countless times: Guy watches World Series of Poker, goes to the local casino (shows how times have changed, they're as common as 7-Eleven), enters a poker tournament and gets cleaned out. Read a book and practice before you start pissing your money away. The Man likes to practice on unsuspecting neighbors, friends and family. Once you've taken all of their money, use it to enter the casino poker tournament -- that way if you lose it's not your money!

Tags: gambling, World Series of Poker, poker

I'm off to Lake Charles, LA

2005-09-27T12:02:00.000-04:00

From Yahoo:

The Man's back (again)

2005-09-27T11:59:00.000-04:00

No, he wasn't in New Orleans or Texas, just a state of laziness. With football season starting, who can blame him??

Speaking of football, three quick observations:

1. Louisville and Michigan are overrated. Louisville didn't just lose, they got their asses handed to them by USF. And Michigan's losses against Notre Dame at home and Wisconsin on the road coupled with two wins against barely D-I Eastern Michigan and Northern Illinois = weak.

Look for an unprecendented third September loss at rival Michigan State this weekend (OK, technically it'll be October 1st but who's counting, MR CALENDAR...). And Louisville -- welcome to a better conference, you're not winning it.

2. After last weekend's Pittsburgh/New England game, the Pats are stil the Pats.

3. Since when have kickers been so important? Philly's David Akers and Detroit's Jason Hansen are injured and neither team has signed a backup. Don't get The Man wrong, they're both good kickers, but if your team has to go for it on the 35 every time you're doomed. And in the Lions case they're really doomed.

College Football Preview: Pac 10

2005-08-15T15:43:00.000-04:00

USC has been the king of college football and dare The Man say established a dynasty. True, it's a weak conference overall, but it apparently hasn't made a different as evidenced by the domination top teams in the National Title game for the past 3 years.

Pete Carroll might have been a mediocre at best NFL coach, but his recruiting and coaching skills are what separate this program from every other in the country. Given their depth, including the return of Matt Leinart at QB and Reggie Bush at RB, their coaching staff losses might be the only thing stopping them from a four-peat.

The Man's Pac-10 Picks:

1. USC - too much talent, not enough competition in-conference

2. Cal - A near score away from upsetting USC last year, look for another 2nd place finish in '05.

3. Arizona State - top running back in jail, early game @ LSU. Play both Oregon and USC at home this year.

4. Oregon - Disappointing year in '04, Coach Bellotti revamped his staff and gets Cal and USC at home.

5. UCLA - Improved team last year, look for that improvement to continue into a bowl appearance this year. Play three of four ranked teams at home.

6. (tie) Oregon State - Beat the teams they were supposed to in '04, lost to good opponents. Look for that trend to continue. Creampuff opener against Portland State, then No. 19 Boise State at home. Plus they finish the season against rival Oregon on the road.

6. (tie) Arizona - Look for Mike Stoopes to continue to turn this program around. Beating ASU at the end of '04 was amazing and their recruiting class was in the top 15. Unfortunately, most freshman aren't impact players so look for a sub-.500 overall finish.

8. Stanford - New coach, new system, old ways - a losing season.

9. Washington State - The end of a great 3 year run was last year. Time to rebuild.

10. Washington - It's going to take more than a new coach and one season to turn this program around.

Tags: NCAA, sports, football, Pac 10, gambling

College Football Preview: Big Ten

2005-08-11T14:20:00.000-04:00

If you know anything about college football, it's that the Big Ten appears to be stacked this year and their logo sucks (11 schools, Big Ten, you do the math). Living in Big Ten country, The Man doesn't want to seem homerish by saying a Big Ten school will win the National Title (which they won't). With that much competition, it's going to be hard for any of the top tier Big Ten schools to finish undefeated. Scheduling will play a huge factor that will help determine the rankings.

1. Michigan - Early test against Notre Dame at home, games at Iowa and Ohio State will determine who's #1 in this conference. RB Hart is a stud, defense promises to be more aggressive especially against mobile QBs (Michigan State, Texas, Ohio State QBs ate them up on the ground). Always find a way to at least tie for a Big Ten title.

2. (tie) Iowa - Kirk Ference has done a great job with this programm, legit top 10 team with returning QB (Drew Tate). Question mark comes on offensive line (most sacks allowed in conference) and mental mistakes (penalties, in particular).

2. (tie) Ohio State - stellar defense with a mobile QB could lead to a good season for OSU, early test with Texas and of course final game against Michigan will make or break their season.

4. (tie) Purdue - they get Iowa at home but have to travel to Minnesota. Tiller always has his boys ready to play, however the QB position isn't as solid as last year. Easy schedule might see them move up to a 2nd or 3rd place finish in the conference.

4. (tie) Minnesota - prove you can play with the big boys and you could move up the ladder -- STOP SCHEDULING PATSIES!

6. Michigan State - Mobile QB Drew Nietzel has the ability to win games; he almost upset Michigan last year by himself. Defense a question mark, however The Man can't recall a John L. Smith team that had a good defense. Look for a track meet and bet the over on most MSU games.

7. Penn State - Creampuff non-conference schedule that will have people buzzing about JoePa's Lions. Unfortunately a rude awakening when they enter conference play and have to compete against D-I talent.

8. Wisconsin - last year's bunch overachieved, this year looks like a rebuilding year for Barry in Madtown. Potential for early losses to Bowling Green and UNC.

9. Northwestern - Brutal schedule (five top 18 teams), spread offense could provide for an upset.

10. Illinois - Hasn't been competitive since the 1990s, no turnaround in sight.

11. Indiana - Yet another basketball school waiting for the season to start.

Tags: NCAA, football, Big Ten

College Football Preview: ACC

2005-08-10T12:30:00.000-04:00

The Man kicks off his 1st College Football Preview on The Man Blog by shining the spotlight on the now 2 division ACC. True, the ACC is known as a basketball conference, however the addition of Miami automatically raises the bar for the rest of the ACC schools and the conference as a whole. An overall comment on the ACC and the national title race - no ACC team will win the ACC title this year. Sorry, but there's no way

The Man's Atlantic Division final standing predictions

1. Boston College - The Man's sleeper pick to upset FSU for the inaugural Atlantic Division title
2. Florida State - Who's the FSU QB again? A great defense, sure, but no offensive leader.
3. Maryland - A respectible year expected to make up for last year's disappointment.
4. Clemson - Tommy Bowden pulled off a miracle to win against Dad, don't look for more than a .500 conference record this year.
5. NC State - Amato's corny sunglasses, lack of talent, just not happening for NC State.
6. Wake Forest - The bottom of the Atlantic barrel, the Deacons don't have the experience or talent to compete.

ACC Coastal Division predictions
1. Miami - Reloaded, restocked and ready for a run at a national title. Didn't have a lot of draft picks to replace relative to prior years. Question mark at QB could mean a slip into second place in this division.
2. Virginia Tech - Marcus Vick is back, which is good, but he also spent a year off the field - not good. Much like his brother, his ability to put the team on his back and carry them is as far as they will go.
3. Georgia Tech - Good, young QB in Ball who is a difference maker. Not enough firepower to compete with the big 2.
4. Virginia - too many starters missing to compete against the big boys.
5. North Carolina - Being a basketball school hurts this program. Too inconsistent to win in this conference.
6. Duke - Devils fans don't measure the season in wins and losses, only "Saturdays remaining until basketball season".

ACC Championship Game: Miami over BC

Tags: NCAA, ACC

The Man's College Football Preview coming soon!

2005-08-09T12:10:00.000-04:00

The Man's NCAA College Football insider will be posted this week, starting Wednesday - stay tuned! We're talking about The Man's look at College Football, conference by conference with conference champion predictions and NCAA champs. Why pay top dollar to get someone else's take when you can get The Man's for free?

Tags: football, NCAA

The Man's Guide to Back Injuries

2005-08-01T12:02:00.000-04:00

As you may've noticed, the Man has been absent from blogging for a month... A bulged disc will do that to you. The Man, like most men, has chronic back problems and had to rest from the computer to let that bad boy heal up. Some tips from The Man to dealing with and recovering from back injuries, Man style:

1. Drugs

The Man doesn't advocate taking prescription drugs unless they're completely necessary. If you read the labels closely, they don't actually heal the problem and cause unnecessary damage to your liver and kidneys. If you're going to do that, you might as well enjoy a buzz while you're at it. So The Man prescribes his medication in the form of 12 ounce curls. Take 2 every half hour until the pain is gone. Sure, you're destroying your liver, but if you follow The Man's guide to hangovers a little B complex will help minimize the amount of liver damage... Plus it's a lot more fun!

2. Exercise

Some white coats will recommend that you relax and "take it easy" while you're in pain, the slowly work your back into shape. The Man says that's a load of crap and you should avoid exercising all together -- how did you hurt your back in the first place??? Exercise!!!

3. Insurance

The Man thinks insurance is probably the biggest scam on the face of the earth. So if you're going to pay into it, you might as well milk it for all you can. Get a note from your doctor and play hookee from work for a few extra days. Go fishing. Catch a ball game. Try to set a world record for most beer consumed in 12 hours. Just don't get caught!

4. Sex

It's unrealistic to think that a man isn't going to want sex, even if his back hurts. Hell, The Man's wanted it after getting kicked in the groin, so a little back pain surely won't deter him. So here's The Man's advice: Insist on being on bottom, and tilt your hips slightly to show some signs of movement (you're also working your abs and lower back, so it's a win-win-win!). Note: A real man lets her do all the work anyway!

5. Getting back to work

When The Man gets back to work, he tries to get as much out of his time off from the cube as possible. Don't be afraid to make others do what you don't want to do -- remember, you're recovering!

And when telling co-workers how you injured your back, take a cue from The Man and be manly about it! Feel free to use one of these scenarios:

"I was power lifting 450 pounds and I heard this 'SNAP!'. The entire gym turned to look at me and I felt my legs go numb. I finished my set before dropping the weight and calling an ambulance."

"I went on one of those porn star cruises, and while having a three way with Kobe Tai and Jenna Jameson in the hot tub of the poop deck, I heard someone screaming for help. Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy fell overboard and was drowning, so I jumped in to save him. I grabbed the Hedgehog and swam him to safety, only after fighting my way out of a shark's jaws."

"My neighbor was changing the oil on his car and I heard a crash, so I put down my High Life and ran outside, only to see him covered by his '82 Olds Ninety Eight. I grabbed the bumper, lifted the car up and slid him out with my foot. That's when I pulled a muscle in my back."

Tecnhorati tags: back injury, Ron Jeremy, porn, back pain, medicine, homeopathic remedies

The Man's Vacation Rules

2005-06-28T16:04:00.000-04:00

You might be wondering where The Man has been, what without any new posts in the last 5 days. As you know, men aren't the best communicators. And The Man is no exception.

The Man has been compiling his vacation rules and taking a brief vacation from blogging to come up with his very own guide to vacationing. You don't have to be rich to take a vacation, it could just be an afternoon or three in the backyard suckin' down a few cold ones. Here's The Man's guide to enjoying your Summer vacations:

Rule #1: The Man's in charge

The Man works hard just like you do, which is why when The Man's on vacation he wants things his way. Wake up at noon? Sure. Crack a cold one and play 9 holes? Why not! It's The Man's vacation, remember?

Rule #2: Plenty of beer

On the Fifth Day, God created beer and said "Thou shalt drinketh until ye puketh". Who's The Man to argue? Make sure wherever you go that there's a liquor store, cooler with ice, keg or hospital nearby. Oh, and avoid red beers, as they have a tendency to make your skin burn faster*.

*There is no scientific evidence that red beer makes your skin red.

Rule #3: Cigars

Always have a box of good cigars around. The Man won't stand for El Productos or any of the other dead rats rolled in leaves they sell at the convenience store. Get yourself a manly maduro wrapped cigar and store it in your humidor until it's time to kick back and relax. What better way to end a meal, play a round of golf, sit on the beach or cruise around town than with a stoagie?

Rule #4: The more skin, the better

The Man is known for his manly physique - hairy chest (and back), gut, big guns, gold chain and pale feet... And like they said, if you've got it, flaunt it. The Man takes his shirt off every chance he gets. And since The Man sweats when it's above 50 degrees, he's topless for more than 1/2 the year. Hey -- It's hard work eating 2 slabs of ribs while drinking a 40oz mug of brew! And the ladies respect it.

Rule #5: Ladies

The Man knows that any great vacation always has a "happy ending". So he's always the life of the party, 'cause he knows the ladies love a Man that knows how to have fun. The Man's not opposed to taking vacations with the ladies, either, but they have to respect Rule #1.

Well, there you have it - for $10 (beer, cigar) you can have your own Man vacation any time, any where you want. Unless of course you live in Antarctica. And if that's the case, the rules still apply -- just replace Ladies with "penguins".

Tags: beer, vacation, cigars, golf, women, penguins

NBA Game 7: The Man's Pick

2005-06-23T13:56:00.000-04:00

The Man has seen a lot of basketball in his day. He's played it, he's bet it, he's watched it, he's picked it. Tonight's Game 7 has the potential to be one of the greatest games the NBA and its fans have seen in a long, long time.

The Big Fundamental versus Big Ben is the key to the game. Duncan's free throw shooting has been horrid in the fourth quarter, and The Man can only chalk it up to fatigue. As The Man predicted in Game 6, Duncan's poor free throw shooting kept the game close. Look for that poor shooting to continue.

The Champs have to be having flashbacks from last year -- a last second shot in Game 5 blew their unheard of 4 game sweep/comeback after being down 2 games. The Man is positive that the Pistons mentality is that this thing should be over, so look for them to come out the same way they did in Game 6 -- with a chip on their shoulder.

The line opened at 4.5 points and was up to 5, so going with that The Man is buying 2 points and taking the Pistons and the points. If they don't pull out the victory, The Man's prediction that this game will come down to the wire.

Tags: Sports, NBA Finals, Gambling, Pistons, Spurs

The Man's Food Pyramid

2005-06-22T14:47:00.000-04:00

The Man has been getting questions on a healthy diet. In particular, people want to know what The Man eats to stay so fit. Here's yesterday's menu:

Breakfast: The Man starts most days with a large glass of water (see: Hangovers post), sometimes several. Like most men, I drink my coffee black, and today The Man had 2 mugs o' joe. Finally, a hearty bowl of oatmeal to cleanse the colon.

Lunch: The Man has a weakness for Chinese food. Today's order -- General Tsao's chicken w/ rice, which helps focus the mind (or cause a MSG headache, whichever comes first).

Dinner: After a long day it's rewarding to hit the grill and show off The Man's natural ability taming the flames. Tonight The Man had 3 brats to fulfill The Man's daily meat intake.

Evening: Of course no day is complete without your RDA of alcohol. Watching the NBA Finals, The Man drank 4 Red Stripe and 2 Miller Lite beers... and saw his pick (Pistons and the points) hold true.

To summarize, it's 12 parts carbohydrates, 0 vegetables, 0 fruits, 3 parts meat/poultry.

Tags: Beer, General Tsao, NBA, Sports, MSG, Diet

The Game! The Game!

2005-06-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

That was Rasheed Wallace's quote from last year's playoffs that is aired constantly on WDFN in Detroit. Well, it's time for 'Sheed to step up and get his head in The Game tonight if the Pistons are going to force a game 7.

The line currently has Detroit getting 5.5 points. Detroit is 1-4 against the spread on the road in their last 5, including 2 blowout losses in San Antonio. Their one road win was their clutch Game 7 road victory against Miami in the Eastern Conference finals... so they've proven they can pull out a victory when it counts.

The Spurs only lost 5 games at the Alamodome this year, so it's almost unthinkable that they're lose both games at home (provided the Pistons win tonight). I expect San Antonio to go to the line considerably more than the 'Stones, and if it's Tim Duncan shooting then we should see a close game.

That being said, I don't think the Pistons are ready to call it quits and the Spurs had to play a near perfect game to beat them in overtime (where the Pistons derailed themselves with bad shots and turnovers) with absolutely no bench support for Detroit. Unless San Antonio utterly dominates the defending champs, I expect this game to be tight. The under is 8-1-1 in Detroit's last 10 on the road, and 12-4 in San Antonio's last 16 at home. So The Man likes the under at 173.5, however the overtime in Game 4 blew it, and I wouldn't be surprised to see this one go into an extra session.

All that being said, I still don't buy the Spurs toughness and can't pick against the Champs to get blown out again on the road. The Man is buying 2.5 points and taking Detroit +8.

Tags: NBA, Sports, Gambling

The Man's Guide to Parking Tickets

2005-06-20T17:06:00.000-04:00

We've all been there. You park at a parking meter with the intention of coming back before the time runs out. Or better yet, the city has some crazy alternate side of the street parking rule where you can park for 2 hours on the "wrong" side of the street before getting hit with a ticket by The Man (not this Man, but "The" Man).

A disclaimer from The Man: This does NOT apply to handicap parking. People that park in handicap spots that aren't handicap should be shot. There, now you have an excuse to park in that spot.

A solution to the aforementioned ridiculous waste of effort and money is for cities to provide more free parking or more parking lots. You see, if they did they wouldn't have to hire meter maids to drive around all day trying to nail honest folks like The Man and this whole system wouldn't even exist.

While The Man can't condone not paying your parking tickets, here's a fact about them:

Most cities allow 6 or more unpaid parking tickets before suspending your license.

That means you can get 5, change your plate on your car, repeat as necessary. City databases aren't smart enough to link you by name, only by plate number. Some cities purge tickets as well, so after 10 years your unpaid tickets are removed from the system.

You do the math:

Cost of obtaining a new plate: $100.

Average cost of 5 parking tickets: $200.

Tags: Parking

Father's Day, aka Man Day

2005-06-19T18:46:00.000-04:00

As we men know, every day is Man's day. Today is an extra-special Man's day, a day for all of us to spend the day with our Dads, the ultimate Man. Our Dads taught us how to be real men; from the essence of drinking beer, to perfecting our barbequeing talent, to chasing tail, to teaching us when it's appropriate to scream at your favorite sports team or flip off the referee.

The Man wants to say Happy Father's Day to all of the dads out there, including The Old Man. Here's to you, Dads.

Pistons vs. Spurs, Game 4: The Man's Pick

2005-06-16T15:37:00.000-04:00

So far every game of this series has been a blowout. The teams are clearly evenly matched and it has come down to the aggressor wins. Easily. That being said, The Man expects a close game tonight. Looking at the trends, Detroit is 8-2 against the spread in their last 10 home games. Just to be safe, The Man will be buying 2.5 points on the current -3.5 spread with the Pistons eeking out a victory close victory.

Tags: Gambling, Pistons

The Man's Guide to Hangovers

2005-06-16T14:37:00.000-04:00

The Man has been known to engage in a few libations from time to time and rarely encounters the pain and discomfort of a hangover. Here are my tips and myth busters about overcoming hangovers.

Pre-drinking:

Provided you're not a model, you'll probably have something in your gut before you start drinking. The Man recommends pizza or something that has bread in it. If you're the type of dummy that likes to mix beer and liquor, then eat something that won't burn coming back up.

The real secret can be summed up in one word: B-Complex. Well, make that two with a hyphen. And then make sure you're taking one that has Vitamin C in it as well. The Man is no scientist, but he's read enough (and is living proof) to know that taking a load of B vitamins prior to getting his drink on works. When you drink, your body loses thiamine and a good B vitamin will replace it.

Post-drinking:

Drink tons of water prior to going to bed. Chances are that at some point you've "broken the seal" and pissed about 20 times in 20 minutes and are dehydrated.

Next morning:

If you are such a lush that you can't make room in your throat for the vitamins because there's too much beer in there, try starting the morning off with a huge glass of water and some aspirin. You're probably dehydrated. Consider getting some more sleep as well. The Man knows first hand that drunk sleep isn't the same as regular sleep.

When it comes to the celebratory meal, nothing beats hash browns, eggs and some kind of meat -- the greasier and saltier, the better. The Man prefers the local greasy spoon special, $2.99 for two eggs, hash browns, toast and sausage.

If that's not enough, pick up some Gatorade and slam it like you just ran a marathon. Chances are you're as depleted as a distance runner, so you'll want to replenish the lost nutrients and water that you literally pissed away the night before.

Now of course your woman might give you a line or two about quitting drink all together to avoid a hangover, but The Man says brilliance works in its own way. I'm sure people told Jimi Hendrix to quit doing speedballs and heroin too.

Just remember the great W. C. Fields quote: "It's easy to give up drinking; I've done it a thousand times."

Tags: Gatorade, B Vitamins

Oh, Cousin!

2005-06-15T12:47:00.000-04:00

After watching games 1 and 2 of the NBA finals, there's no way The Man or anyone else could have predicted the stellar defensive performance put on by Big Ben and the Pistons last night. The line opened at 3.5 and went to 4.5 last I checked, and could have gone up to 16 without making a difference.

The Man's observations of last night's game:

Detroit finally played to their strengths using their length (blocked shots, deflections, etc), committing hard fouls (about time, The Man is tired of watching hand checks sidelining good players), and double teams to force the ball to a second and third option, which led to a ton of turnovers for San Antonio.

San Antonio clearly was on fire at home and their outside shooting last night paled in comparison. When Manu went out in the first few minutes of the game, The Man knew his prediction was in trouble. Who could've known that a knee to knee collision with Tayshaun Prince would happen? That injury put Ginobli (who looks like Balki from "Perfect Strangers") into a passive state of mind from which he never recovered.

Look for the Spurs to come out swinging in Game 4.

Tags: NBA, Pistons, Spurs, Ben Wallace, Tayshaun Prince, Manu Ginobili, Perfect Strangers

The worst beer in the world

2005-06-14T13:32:00.000-04:00

You might be like The Man, walking down the beer aisle at your local grocery store and thinking about maximizing your beer intake while keeping your budget in check. We've all had those days, where the 30 pack of Stroh's for $11.99 outweighs the $12.99 12 pack of Sam Adams. I had an experience recently that's making me re-think this logic.

It was to The Man's surprise when I was scrounging for a few brews one night with less than $7 in my pocket and spotted this deal: Josef Hoffbauer Light at Kroger, $4.99 for 12 beers. The old saying in life is that there's no such thing as a free lunch. And The Man is here to tell you that there's no such thing as good beer for $4.99 for 12 pack.

The beer itself tastes like one part Caguama Light (Corona rip off brand), six parts Detroit River water. The can might as well just be all-white and say "BEER" across it, because it's probably best that this crap is used as a prop in movies and not ingested.

The Man's advice? Take your $5 and pick up a couple of .40 ouncers instead, you'll thank me later.

So The Man would like to issue the following statement on Josef Hoffbauer beer:

Don't buy it. Worse yet, don't drink it -- even if it's free.

Tags: Beer, Kroger, Caguama, Stroh's, Samuel Adams

Pistons and Spurs - The Man's pick

2005-06-14T10:58:00.000-04:00

Unlike my man, John Patrick, I'm going to be pretty straightforward with this pick. Tonight's match up between the Pistons and Spurs should be a classic. The Pistons have been good on their home floor, going 2-1 against both the Heat and Pacers at home in rounds 2 and 3. Unlike those series, they weren't able to get one victory in their first two road games in San Antonio.

A stat worth noting from Pistons Coach Larry Brown's press conference: When the Pistons have a certain official at the game, they're 1-7 in the playoffs. When he's not part of the refereeing squad, they're 11-1. Pretty amazing.

At any rate, the line's currently at -4 in favor of the 'stones... If they are able to pull out a game, this is going to be the one. The Spurs played at Detroit earlier this year and lost, however that was without Duncan (left the game early with a sprained ankle), and Ginobli played sparingly. My gut tells me that even coming home isn't going to help, as evidenced by the Spurs ability to play well on the road and the blow outs in Games 1 and 2. The Man is taking the Spurs and buying 2 points.

Tags: Pistons, Spurs, NBA, John Patrick

Welcome to The Man Blog

2005-06-14T09:36:00.000-04:00

A man has certain experiences, his own point of view and a straight forward way to solving problems. This blog is evidence of it. I'm going to be talking about the stuff that we care about -- beer, gambling, women, beer, grass cutting, sports, ball-scratchin', beer, ESPN and more.

My goal is to help fill the void in all of our lives that The Man Show used to occupy. Let me know how I'm doing.

Tags: The Man Show, ESPN, beer